Oct 12

Here we are. Another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Well, actually it will come and go tomorrow. But in our household it came today. Because, while much of America gets Columbus Day off tomorrow, my hubby’s employer didn’t jump on that bandwagon. So our little family of four celebrated Canadian Thanksgiving by cooking all day and feasting on turkey at dinner time. I don’t want to make any guesses about how old the turkey we purchased may or may not be since the American grocery stores won’t be stocking up on turkeys for quite a few weeks yet. 

Nonetheless, it all tasted good and I was able to find the bread cubes for the stuffing and the cranberries for the cranberry sauce. We didn’t miss any key items and we had a lovely dinner.

How is it that it looks totally underwhelming in the picture even though I cooked and baked all day yesterday AND today to make that baby happen? 

We missed our family and friends dearly today, but we had each other and that was good enough for this year. On the plus side, we barely made a dent in the 14 pound turkey which means lots of leftovers!

We had one other special visitor with us at the dinner table.  Can you see it?

No? Look closer…

If you were thinking that Kieran’s right eye is looking especially pink and gooey then you would be right.  Looks like we’re in for an unexpected visit from the Pinkeye Fairy.  Lucky us!  And I have no idea what I’m going to do tomorrow if our pediatrician’s office is closed.  I don’t know what I can do on weekends except go to the emergency room. Are we really expected to go to the ER just to get a prescription for eye drops? I hope not!

I just reread this post and realized how fantastically boring it is.  Sorry about that. I lost my funny somewhere between mashing the potatoes and carving the turkey. It’ll be better tomorrow (I hope).

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Aug 16

Is it too much to ask for one single thing to go smoothly around here? Really, is that such a big imposition on the universe? All we wanted to do was order cell phones. We’ve been without our own number for months now and we are setting up all kinds of accounts and giving them our temporary number in Cambridge which will change shortly and we thought it would be nice to give banks and doctor’s offices and Avery’s new school (etc. etc. etc.) our permanent phone number because we’re conscientious like that.

We ordered two phones on Amazon at the end of July. Good deal, the phones we my husband wanted, and they would be in our hands in a matter of days! Perfect!

But, as you have already surmised, the phones were NOT in our hands within days.  What was in our (metaphorical) hands?  An email from Amazon which informed us of a delay due to low stock. A new shipping date was given which was only a few days later than the original. We figured it’s no big deal. We’ve been without phones this long. A few more days won’t kill us.

But then. A few days later. Another email. Another delay. We sighed and ever-so-patiently clicked “My name is Shannon and I approve this delay” (although I don’t know that I can really say I approve of delays of any kind. I’m just not that kind of gal). But then we got another email. And ANOTHER. AND ANOTHER! And they didn’t even bother to try and butter us up at all? I was thinking something along the lines of “Dear Amazon Customer, You look GREAT! Did you do something with your hair? You’ve lost weight, haven’t you?  Oh, and we have to delay your order one more time but I promise it will be there soon! You look FABULOUS, dahling!”.

Five delays Amazon? Really? You really want to mess with someone who has already parted a veritable sea of red tape and come out the other side soggy, frustrated and looking for someone on which to take out her pent up anger?

So because I was likely to reach through the phone and rip out someone’s kidneys through their nose, the hubby called Amazon. The first time he was assured that our phones are most definitely in stock and they didn’t know what could possibly be the hold up but they would certainly look into it and call us back.

They didn’t. Nice, Amazon. Reeeeally nice.

So the hubby called again. The same thing was politely conveyed, that the phones were in stock in all their warehouses and they don’t know why it has been delayed. BUT. This time the person informed us that there is no way for him to contact the guy who has to pick up the damn phones and put them in the box with our address on it. No possible way. At all. Ever. 

Apparently no one in all of America has any way to find out why our order is being delayed.  Not even the damn PRESIDENT has the security clearance or the ability to locate two cell phones.

Dear Secret Service, Don’t you think you could find a better use for such a top secret location than the storage of cell phones? You’re welcome.

So after some calls to our chosen cell phone provider we managed to find out that we can’t even order the damn phones over the phone because our credit report is done through a Canadian company (which, incidentally, is one of the same companyies used in America) and we have to go into their store in the mall where they can make calls and get our credit rating confirmed. Because the person on the phone can’t call Canada. Oh noooooes. That would be too much to ask. 

Bottom line? Went to the mall, got everything worked out. Came home with two shiny new phones. Yay! And Amazon can suck it. 

And since I’m on a ranty roll here, does anyone else hate all the stupid ringtones they have on cell phones? Because all I want is a basic ring that sounds like a telephone ringing. Not chimes or animal sounds, not the blessed mothership taking off, and certainly not a song by Christina Aguilera.  

I’m sorry if you are someone who likes all kinds of unique sounds to emanate from your cellular device. I don’t care what YOU have. But I just can’t handle it. Also? it’s much easier to pick out a basic phone ring in a crowded place these days. If you were in the mall and everyone’s phones went off simultaneously it would sound like effing Disneyland. At least I’d know which one was mine. :)

Aug 8

The Good News: The Diabetes Center was ALL KINDS OF AWESOME and were 100% helpful and got me all the prescriptions I needed and I’m pretty sure there were rainbows and bunnies shooting out of the air vents.

The Bad News: More fun times to be had on the phone with THE INSURANCE COMPANY and THE MAIL-ORDER PRESCRIPTION COMPANY and THE INSULN PUMP SUPPLY COMPANY (capitalized to indicate their purely EVIL natures) in order to accomplish the dispensing of three months worth of medication and pump supplies. I expect to be pissed off again before too long because that’s just exactly the kind of lovely person I am.

The Good News: The Diabetes Center even managed to get bloodwork done for me, which isn’t fun, but I mean, really! Bloodwork! Without any phone calls! Or yelling! It’s an effin’ miracle! 

The Bad News: I defy anyone to tell me there is something more humiliating than bringing two kids with you into the bathroom while you -erm- *collect* a urine sample. The ONLY saving grace was that it was a private washroom and not a multi-stalled, potty-house where everyone could here Avery say “Mommy, why are you washing your hands BEFORE you go pee? What are those little wipes for? What are those BOTTLES FOR??? WHY DOES THE DOCTOR WANT TO SEE YOUR PEEEE???” and Kieran simply yelling “PEE!! MAMA! PEEEEEE!!!!”  I am absolutely POSITIVE that the whole waiting room could hear us in there. I left quickly, and without making eye contact with anyone. Ah, dignity, how I miss you.

Aug 5

[Edit: I realize that it is NOT in fact Monday, but Tuesday afternoon. Shit happens. Not that it happens to ME. Just sayin'.]

I’m going to try out a weekly post similar to some my recent “that would suck” posts. I thought about calling it “That Would Suck” Mondays, as I did last week. But it’s a little negative. And I think it’s more fun to whine first, laugh later approach life from a humorous perspective. Plus, I’m super classy. Onwards, dear readers!

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Know what might suck? Travelling via subway and ferry and boat shuttle to the farthest reaches of civilization before land gives way to endless ocean with two kids, only to get caught in one of the hardest downpours you’ve ever experienced?  And then to discover that sweaters and umbrellas had been forgotten at home and the next ferry back to the mainland doesn’t arrive for a full hour and there’s nowhere sheltered to go. So you have a full hour of hell fun to look forward to, with two cranky and tired and, now, WET children, while standing in the rain. That might suck. 

And I imagine it would also suck if the four of you got your wet behinds onto a ferry which was happily warm and dry on the inside, but kind of a tight space, with more people crammed in than is normal because of inclement weather. And you started remembering the last time you rode in a boat cabin like this and the seasickness that followed and before long you started to feel fairly nauseous. That moment when your adrenaline starts to pump because you suddenly feel the vomit rising up – that moment, I imagine, sucks. So you might spend the next sixty minutes of what was supposed to be that thirty minute ferry ride staring out the window with deep concentration, so as to keep the seasickness at bay, and the people sitting closest to the window you are staring out of might think you are a sociopath, or at least more invested in their conversation than is polite for a complete stranger. Meanwhile your kids might whine without ceasing and your husband might feel frustrated and the ferry might continue to move at a minnow’s pace because the fog and rain have created weather conditions that are simply unsuitable for traversing the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. So the ferry ride might seem to go on FOREVER and if all these things happened, that would suck.

Not that it’s happened to ME. I’m just sayin’. It would suck.

Feb 21

It appears that my kids have both inherited their father’s toenails.  Is this a big deal, you might ask?  In the grand scheme of things, not really.  But in the small world that is my daily life it has become the proverbial “pain in the butt”. Or foot.  My husband had so many ingrown toenails in his childhood and adolescence that he eventually had his big toenails removed.

I know, I know, you didn’t come here for gross and disturbing fact about my husband. 

I have been dismayed to learn that my children have both inherited this propensity for ingrown toenails. Between the two of them there is almost always at least one, if not more, ingrown toenail.  It is hard to fix and it’s painful and I feel so bad for them.  But I think I’d feel worse if, some day, I am the only person in my family to still have my toenails. 

Along with his new top teeth Kieran has a renewed joy in biting while nursing.  I thought it hurt when he bit me before.  I was wrong.

When he’s not biting me nothing makes him happier than laughing at and talking to my nipple.  I already knew nipples were a strange and hilarious body part.  But the amusement derived by son makes me feel somehow like I am the butt of a joke.

Another funny little joke that the universe is playing on me.  Along with a head cold, I now have, for the second time in a month, plugged milk ducts.  In case you were wondering, it hurts like a bitch. My kids have colds, I have colds, my hubby is really busy studying for an upcoming test, no one is sleeping well or long enough…

Universe, I have just one thing to say to you: “UNCLE!”

Feb 13

 Ahhhh! There’s nothing like a refreshing two hour nap hour of lying in your crib and crying. Sleep is for those weak bastards who don’t have the stamina to cry for an hour!

Feb 12

When I tried to start my car this morning it took a couple tries and I was just ready to give up and as I began to let go of the key in the ignition the engine turned over.  I heaved a frosty sigh of relief and, after letting the car warm up for two hours (almost) I packed the kids into the car and went off to the mall where I decided to reward the car for it’s good behaviour by parking underground. 

When we returned a couple hours later the car was all defrosted and the temperature gage inside said it was a balmy 11 degrees!  Woohoo!  The mall is only a few minutes from our house.  With terrible road conditions and both traffic lights being red, it takes me no more than five minutes to get home. Today, by the time I got home, the temperature gage in the car had STILL not finished coming down to the current frigid temperature.  My car would have nothing nice to say to me today if it could talk.

Jan 6

Well yesterday was actually Day #2, but whatever.  So Kieran fell asleep last night without being swaddled and without any crying WHATSOEVER and stayed asleep for five hours!!!!  It was amazing. 

Karma is totally going to kick my ass tonight.  I just know it.

Dec 10

We were hanging out with friends until late last night. It was awesome. We had fun. But somehow, this monster knew how tired we were and decided the morning after mom and dad’s late night partying would be a great day to wake up at 5:45am! I’ve aged 5 years in the last 20 minutes. Ugh.