Dec 29

Did I say I would post tomorrow? In my house tomorrow equals some time in the future which may or may not be the day following today. In this case tomorrow equals four days. I’m complicated. Get over it.

So I was going to tell you about how the hubby attempted to completely extinguish our daughter’s Christmas spirit on Christmas day. Here’s how it started: The hubby and I decided to buy each other an electric piano for Christmas this year. We’ve been putting off buying a piano for probably 2 years and it’s something we really wanted so that our kids can take lessons. (Piano lessons are non-negotiable in my house, at least for a few years. I think a basic understanding of music is incredibly important.) Calling it a Christmas present helped us justify dropping a fairly sizeable chunk of change. So the hubby picked up the piano from Costco a week before Christmas and we agreed to leave it in the (rather large) box until Christmas morning so we could have the fun of opening it that day.

Avery knew we planned to buy a piano and was pretty sure that was what was in the box, seeing as it said “digital piano” right on the side. However, the hubby likes to make our kids really use their thinkers and he asked her how she could be sure that a piano was in the box. He pointed out that a piano was much bigger than this box and that there were pictures of wine glasses and umbrellas on the box, not pianos, and didn’t that indicate that the box contained wine glasses and umbrellas?

It was enough to shake her confidence and although she still felt she was probably right she just couldn’t be completely sure. She begged us to open the box so she could see what was inside but we held firm for the Christmas morning deadline.

After the kids were tucked into bed and sound asleep on Christmas Eve the hubby’s devious side got the best of him and he unpacked the piano, set it up, and covered it with blankets in a corner. Then he repacked the box with wine glasses from our cupboard and our own umbrellas, taped it all up, and left it for the morning.

Well you really just can’t imagine the utter disappointment on our daughter’s face when we opened that box Christmas morning and there was NO piano inside. Luckily Daddy quickly revealed the hidden piano and order was restored to the universe.

And that, my friends, is how the hubby almost ruined Christmas for our daughter. But didn’t.

Next, I said I would tell you about my favourite gift of the holiday season. As I mentioned above, the hubby and I agreed to buy the piano for each other for Christmas. I thought about buying him some little thing so he would have a present to open from me but decided that the best present I could give the hubby is to not spend anymore money, as his blood pressure tends to go up this time of year when (it seems to him) every time I come in the door I’m carrying more “presents” and all he sees is dollar signs. Aren’t I thoughtful?

But the hubby, because he knows how very much I like presents, and how I may have gotten just a tiny wee bit resentful after having to do every bit of the baking, decorating, shopping, wrapping and planning for Christmas on my own, got me a couple of presents “from the kids”. Isn’t he smart thoughtful?

So on Christmas morning I opened up my very own Roomba! Oh yes he did! The hubby got me a robot that vacuums for me for Christmas! It’s possibly the most considerate gift I’ve EVER gotten!  And I love it! It’s not going to completely replace me and I still have to keep cords and toys and stuff out of the way. If I want it to clean under the table I have to move the chairs for it. But it means one less job for me to do and I couldn’t be happier!  I am going to have a bumper sticker made…

Robotic Vacuum Cleaners: Bringing Romance Back Since Christmas 2009!

Nov 29

Dear Technology in general and computers in my home in particular,

Stop being such assholes.

Yours truly,
Shannon

PS-I mean, you know I can’t just leave it at that. I’d like to, but I can’t. Where the hell do you get off acting like such mother-effing little bastards all the time? Everything from ipods to blackberrys to laptops to the apple tv all work perfectly for the hubby. I know each of you little bastards wait to pull the “restart me” shit when I’m at the wheel, but knowing it doesn’t make me hate you any less. I can’t even say how many times I’ve had to call the hubby, whining that I can’t get a movie playing for the kids, and I follow his instructions perfectly, only to be thwarted by your diabolical tripwires of what must be on and what must be off and what must be pointed just so and which effing remote to use and when item A and item B are on at the same time then item C needs to be off and then both A and B must be restarted. Seriously? How come the hubby never has to restart one of your ever-loving evil little asses?

I’m not dumb. Well, at least I’m smart enough to follow the same procedure multiple times.  But I am on to your little scheme. When the hubby is downstairs and I follow his instructions precisely and whatever electronic device or computer program I am using absolutely refuses to work – until the hubby starts coming up the stairs, at which point they magically spring to life…well lets just say you could be a little less obvious. We all KNOW the hubby is the computer whisperer. I don’t need you to rub it in.

We couldn’t just have a fracking dvd player like every other family…

In closing…stop being such assholes.

Jun 11

Hubby is working from home in our upstairs bedroom. At some point around 4pm I go in there to say hello…

Hubby: *starts talking to me about something in a kind of loud voice*

Me: SSSSSSSSH!!!

Hubby: What?

Me: Because the kids will hear you talking and they’ll know you’re talking to me and THEY’LL COME LOOKING FOR ME! I’m HIDING!

Hubby: !!!!

Sure enough, ten seconds later the kids come running and I am leaning against the door, holding it shut while they call “DADDY! MOMMY! ARE YOU IN THERE?” and I laugh hysterically in that really-stressed-out-and-over-the-top-losing-my-mind kind of way.

Hubby eventually forces me to let the kids in. Dammit. At least he’s smart/kind enough to run interference for a few minutes while I regain my grip on my sanity.

Some days are just like that. I need a better hiding spot.

Apr 24

I’m not the first on the internets to do this meme and I won’t be the last. Let’s call it some mindless Friday fun…

 

What are your middle names?

Tracy and Edward. Nothing dramatic. 

How long have you been together?

We started dating early in 1999. Engaged by New Year’s Eve 1999 and married August 2000.  So I guess that makes just over ten years together. Wow.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

We met in September of 1998. So I guess I’d say about 6 months, maybe less. The official start of our romantic relationship is a bit blurry. 

Who asked whom out?

See above. The transition from friendship to romance was kind of hard to pinpoint. It was more like we realized we actually were dating (with a small push from a friend) and we just continued on from there.

How old are each of you?

I’m 28 and he’s 30. And I am kind of a pain in the ass about reminding him of that fact. Heh.

Whose siblings do you see the most?

Typically mine as we’ve lived closer to them. But in the past two years pretty much neither as we have been far from all of our collective siblings.

Which situation is hardest on you as a couple?

I’m going to go out on a limb and say we argue about the same things that most couples argue about. But as to what is hardest, I guess it depends on which of us you are talking to.  Since we are talking to me right now, I’m going to say his long hours and the demands of his job which I frequently think are unrealistic. As far as I’m concerned, unless people are dying as a direct result of the hubby not working (and in his tech-based business I’m going to go with NO), there is no excuse for him having to work in the middle of the night or all weekend all. the. time. 

Did you go to the same school?

Not in high school but I’m pretty sure we would have been friends if we had. We were both geeks. 

Are you from the same home towns?

Nope.

Who is smarter?

Definitely him. But if you’re looking for a name or phone number I’m usually your girl. 

Who is the most sensitive?

Depends on who you ask. I would say that I am. He would say I DEFINITELY AM.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We haven’t been in the same place with enough freedom to go out together in the past few years to be able to establish a favourite place.  Our prerequisites are: alcohol, food and alcohol.

Where is the furthest the two of you have traveled as a couple?

Quebec City and Boston are about the same distance. If you’d asked me when we got married if we would have left the continent by the time we were married nine years I would have said definitely. Reality, it turns out, is far less glamorous than fantasy.

Who has the craziest exes?

Neither of us have any real exes. I know, we’re so adorable it makes your teeth hurt, right?

Who has the worst temper?

I don’t want to talk about it.

Who does the cooking?

For the greater good, I do.

Who is the neat freak?

Both of us, in different ways. I am picky about uncluttered surfaces, counters and such. He is the organizational one who spends hours making closets and storage rooms neatly catalogued. With this combination of anal retentiveness you would think our house would look like it came out of a magazine. Alas, this is not the case. Unfortunately neither of us has the quirk of being anal about cleaning toilets or sweeping floors or folding laundry. Perhaps one of our children will be get that particular idiosyncrasy. 

Who is more stubborn?

I doubt there are two people more equally matched than the two of us.

Who hogs the bed?

He would tell you I do, but since he falls asleep seconds after his head hits the pillow you really can’t believe anything he says regarding blanket tug-of-war. The truth is both of us hog the bed. And we bought a king-sized blanket for our queen-size bed so that we could avoid fighting over the covers. All I have to say about that is…is there anything bigger than king-size?

Who wakes up earlier?

Usually he does.

Where was your first date?

After we decided we were “officially” a couple, our first real date was going out for vegetarian pizza (which I pretended to think was the greatest thing EVER because he did – now I’m slightly less enthusiastic about it) and a movie which I think may have been Shakespeare In Love but I’m not totally sure.

Who is more jealous?

I’m not really sure what kind of jealousy we’re referring to here, but I’d say probably me.

How long did it take to get serious?

Aside from the months of “just friends” dating we were serious right from the beginning. Neither of us take friendships or romantic relationships casually.

Who eats more?

Let’s not talk about that.

Who does the laundry?

It’s a combined effort. I sort, wash, dry and eventually fold the clothes. He complains about the basket of clean but wrinkled laundry that has yet to be folded.

Who’s better with the computer?

The hubby is some kind of techno-savant. I call him the computer whisperer.

Who drives when you are together?

He usually drives from behind the wheel. I drive from the back seat (actually, usually the passenger seat).

Mar 11

I just discovered that, when brushing the kids’ teeth, my husband does not rinse out the toothbrush and then brush the teeth again with the rinsed out brush so as to fully clean the toothpaste off the kids’ teeth.  Now I am extremely kind of hyper-sensitive about anything relating to toothpaste and how utterly revolting it is so I was TOTALLY APPALLED AND SHOCKED BECAUSE TOOTHPASTE LEFT ON THEIR TEETH = OMG EWWWWW!!!! a little concerned about this turn of events. I know that if people swallow toothpaste it can cause discolouration in their teeth and it seems to me that while it may be good for cleaning teeth, it should still be cleaned OFF the teeth at the end of one’s brushing routine.

My husband thinks I’m way overreacting.

So I’m turning it over to you, people. Do you typically brush with the toothpaste and then brush with the rinsed-out brush to clean the toothpaste out of your mouth? Or am I too sensitive?