Feb 7

When it comes to health issues it appears that my daughter is a friggin’ episode of House on account of the fact that she refuses to be a textbook case of – well – anything.

As a newborn, Avery encountered a number of issues including jaundice, thrush, difficulty breastfeeding and colic. Any one of those could have been responsible for a baby that cried all the effing time a lot. After six weeks of this we threw up our hands in despair.  We made countless trips to our doctor’s office and three ER visits before we finally got a diagnosis of a raging urinary tract infection. Why was this missed on the previous visits? Because the child never, not once, developed a fever of any kind. Fever being one of the most important indicators of an infection, particularly in a tiny little infant, it takes special threats persistence to get doctors to listen to you when you have a baby that cries a lot but has no fever. She spent two weeks on oral antibiotics was still sick. And still had no fever. A week on IV antibiotics eventually cleared up the infection. But her temperature never went up one fraction of a degree.

In the years following she had her share of ear infections and other illnesses. The only thing that ever caused her to run a fever was teething and an occasional benign virus.  Never the more serious stuff where fever is supposed to indicate a problem.

For the past two weeks the girl has been fighting one hell of a virus with the accompanying fever and other fun but generic cold symptoms. The past week she stopped eating food and after enough days of that some mothers might get a little anxious and rush to the ER make a doctor’s appointment. Both our doctor and his supervisor examined her thoroughly. One of their first questions was if strep had been going around at school. But upon examining her throat they found very little redness and swelling and she insisted her throat was not sore. Those symptoms being the major indicators of strep, both doctors agreed she likely didn’t have it. After ruling out a variety of other illnesses they declared her healthy and suffering from a nasty virus. But just to be sure, they ran the swab and test for strep. 

She tested positive.

All of us were baffled but sure enough, after a couple of doses of antibiotics she’s well on her way to being her energetic and ravenous self.  Awesome. So next time I’ll just ask for a team of top-notch diagnosticians to examine and test my daughter and her mysterious-illnesses-that-turn-out-to-be-straightforward-problems-with-unusual-presentations.

Jan 10

It was another day, another virus around here this week. Luckily all that is past. For the moment. 

Here’s the thing about being sick when you’re married to a person who never gets sick: you feel like a giant, whiny baby all the time. Which is not so far from the truth because  if you know me, you know I’m kind of a sissy. But what is also true is that my immune system is a bit of a pansy, too. And the hubby’s immune system is a bad-ass, muscle-bound tough guy so he almost never has so much as a sniffle. 

The thing about being the pantywaist around here is that I always suspect that the hubby thinks I’m exaggerating how rotten I feel or that I’m whining excessively. Which – let’s be honest – I probably am. Because I’m nothing if not…er…VERBAL about my discomfort.

But it SUCKS to be the one who is always down with some plague or another because it makes it look and feel like there it something intrinsically faulty with my system which would be a reasonable assumption next to a normal person. But next to me, my husband looks like a damn robot! A robot that is unsuccessfully trying to understand the mysterious human phenomenon of illness and how to behave around a sick human. So I have devised this short list of gentle reminders for dealing with a sickie like myself, because I’m helpful like that:

Shannon’s Guide for Superhuman Robots Tending To Weak, Sick Humans

1. Never, under any circumstances, question the validity of a sickie’s complaints. It won’t get you anywhere. Trust me. Whether physical or mental real or imagined, we are sick.

2. Don’t suggest that a sickie Lose Weight Exercise or go out for a walk in order to boost their energy level. The best prescription for the recovery of good attitude health is wallowing rest, lots of TV liquids, and a healthy dose of comfort food loving support.

3. If you are attempting to assist a sickie by preparing a meal, do not ask said sickie what you should make! This is a serious faux pas! The idea is to get the masses fed, whether that means a sandwich or a opening a can of soup. It doesn’t have to be gourmet.

4. Indulge the sickie’s whining. If it’s too annoying, just try to block it out and persevere until it passes. If you have it in you, try to baby the sickie. Soothing back rubs or sympathetic nodding and a quiet environment are good. Be encouraging and empathetic. And if you can’t do that, BE QUIET.

5. Be thankful for your superior immune system! No, seriously, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS that you’re not like us weaklings who are felled by every virus that comes our way. Your gratitude could translate into more compassion for those aren’t as strong as you are, you lucky bastard!