So after I ranted about ringtones the other day my hubby took pity on my technologically ignorant self and helped me scour the internets for an acceptable ring that didn’t sound… well … in a word, stupid.

I was extremely tempted use the Yip Yips saying “brrrrrrrrrIIIIINNGGGG!” because I am ALL ABOUT Sesame Street …

But I decided that would make me want to beat my cell to death with a heavy blunt object as much as a pop song after a couple of rings while.

Dan had commented that the ring of an old school rotary dial phone would be cool and I thought that idea was inspired. So the hubby found me a variety of ringtones that sounded all old school. And some of them were all kinds of annoying and others were 57 kinds of stupid. But we found one that I didn’t hate and sounded like a phone and not a rock concert or a dying wind chime or an animal safari. Yay!

We found a couple ringtones that you probably haven’t heard before and will make you laugh. Check it out: Excuse me Ma’am, Homey at the Gunfight, Who let the hogs out, and the Goat (soooo tempting!).

I have this little hair problem. And I don’t mean that in the “I’m having a bad hair day” kind of way. It’s been a problem since I had kids and there doesn’t seem to be a styling product around that can deal with it.  

Every day I wash my hair and blow it dry with a hair dryer. And EVERY DAY it turns out looking like this:

Please try to ignore the big frown and my pasty white face. I had to concentrate hard to take the picture.  

Do you see the problem? On my right side the hair flips under and on the left it flips out.  It doesn’t matter how carefully I dry it with a rounded brush, gently coaxing it to flip under. It doesn’t matter how much mousse or other styling products I use (or don’t use).  It doesn’t matter if I sing love songs or swear like a sailor.  Same result.  

I never had this problem before I had kids. Women often mention changes in their hair following the birth of a child. A difference in texture or even colour is not uncommon. So I am aware that it is kind of ridiculous that the even though my hair is fundamentally the same as it was pre-kids, this  basically small quirk is DRIVING ME BATSHIT CRAZY.  

I don’t think there’s really anything to be done about it. Just thought I’d share a random fact about myself with the internets on this fine Sunday afternoon.  

***I am also aware that my hair is a good inch longer on the left side.  I think the hairdresser had a seizure or something when she cut my hair. But I don’t think that should make much of a difference. I’ve had this problem longer than I’ve had this hair cut.  ***

I wanted to publish this just to let you know that I’m not always whining things are finally looking up around here.  The sea of red tape has parted (mostly) and we have been able to accomplish the following things:

* All 4 of us have family doctors/pediatricians who we will be seen by within a month or just over a month for “new patient visits”

* As I said on Friday, I was able to get into the Diabetes Centre in town and now have access to much needed prescriptions. Turns out America doesn’t want me to die after all!

* I am almost through the process of setting up two different mail-order services to send me insulin and insulin pump supplies (no more pharmacies!!!!).

* We were FINALLY able to get our money transferred from Canadian to American bank accounts (I NEVER want to do this EVER AGAIN) which means…

* We were able to pay our full deposit to our new landlords.  They have been EXCEEDINGLY patient. If I were them I would have rolled my eyes and said “Whatev, DEADBEATS. I’m so giving this place to someone who has actual money (not Canadian Dollars).”  

* We were able to get gas and electricity set up for our new place!  A minor miracle as the company’s website is designed to entrap potential customers in a loop of entering passwords, denial of account numbers and repeated accusations (You appear to be a terrorist. Please call our customer service line for help setting up your service.).

These things matter to NO ONE except me but it’s all to say that things are looking up over here.  And I haven’t had to talk to our health insurance company in TWO WHOLE DAYS!!! WOOOHOOO!

Also? It is just three weeks until we move to our new condo which is on the shores of the Atlantic Ocean! WE. ARE. SO. EXCITED. By the time we move in it will have been three months of temporary living quarters and I can’t wait to settle back in to my own home.

• It is not really “generosity” if you offer your brother your “bread peels” (crust) which you weren’t planning to eat anyway.  My daughter is destined to become a politician.

• Trying to use a normal-sized public bathroom stall with a 3 year old and an almost 1 year old is really crowded and extremely difficult.  It’s not easy to keep the one year old from crawling out of the stall and the 3 year old from opening the door of the stall.  Also, it is EXTREMELY rude to use the handicapped stall if you are a normal, healthy person who is not toting children along.  It is especially rude to use the handicapped stall if you are going to be a while.  People with little children can’t usually afford to wait more than a very short time.  Little bladders are not that reliable.  If they need to go, they need to go NOW!

• There is a very distinct accent that people who have lived in this part of Manitoba all their lives speak with.  I have noticed it before but I was just noticing it again today and it struck me as so weird!  My mom has it, although I think it faded a bit by her 17 years in Saskatchewan. I don’t know if it’s because most of the people who grew up around here spoke low German as either a first or second language and heard it spoken by their parents. Or the particular way in which parents, for whom English was a second language, pronounced certain sounds.  The “a”s are very long and heavy and “r”s are very pronounced.  It is just enough that it stands out if you are from a different area of the country.  I will be interested to see what kind of differences there are in the way people in London speak.

• Just because you make a reservation for a birthday party at McDonalds, doesn’t mean there will actually be tables reserved for you.  There are no guarantees.  I know that’s what you think a reservation is for.  You have been misled. (This wasn’t us making a reservation, just something we witnessed while indulging in the golden arches.)

I read a lot of so-called “Mommy Blogs”.  I kind of hate that title, mostly because I somehow think that because they are written by Mommies (and some Daddies) that they can’t be good writers.  But the truth is, some (not all) of the Mommy-bloggers I read are absolutely fantastic writers.  Sometimes I feel a bit silly about spending so much time reading the thoughts of all these people that I don’t know in real life.  But often the writing connects with me in a very real way.  This blog entry explains how I feel about “my blogs” really well.

In other news, Kieran is nine months old today. Despite wreaking havoc on my nights, he’s a pretty funny little guy.  He loves to watch his sister who he pretty much worships at this point.  This may change in a few years when he realizes he’s big enough to beat the crap out of her.  He still refuses to attempt crawling or pulling himself up to a standing position or waving bye bye or sleeping through the night.  Often he will be so annoyed that I am trying to nurse him (MOTHER!  Can’t you see that I have so many other highly urgent things that need my attention right now???) and will be squirming and turning to look at Avery/grab anything he can reach and then when I get up to bring him to his bed for his nap he snaps to attention and gets right down to business, nuzzling my boob like it’s his long lost best friend (See what a good baby I am?  I promise I’ll be good. Just don’t put me in the cage!)  It doesn’t work to stall his nap, but it’s cute. He is still learning that in this house there is no “counting to three”.  You better listen up the first time because your Mama?  She is not a patient lady.

And finally, I have introduced a new word to my vocabulary recently, stolen from RLP: suctitude.  Meaning to suck intensely, full of suckiness, extremely sucky. I’m sure I’ll find an excuse to use it before long!

Remember the good old song “Down by the Bay” that you used to sing round after round of on your way to school field trips or around the campfire or whatever?  Well I was listening to it the other day.  Actually listening to the words.  I’ve gotta say I think that there were some serious mental health issues with the mother in the song.  If the child in the song is afraid to go home to his mother because she spouts nonsense then I must ask how severe is her Schizophrenia or Multiple Personality Disorder? 

Down by the bay,
Where the watermelons grow,
Back to my home,
I dare not go.
For if I do,
My mother will say…

Did you ever see a whale with a polka dot tail?
Did you ever see a moose kissing a goose?
Did you ever see a lama wearing pajamas?
Lalalalalalala Lalalalalalala

…Down by the bay!

So we were at our local mall yesterday and I noticed that there were “Canadian Idol” banners up everywhere.  I thought this was strange because I couldn’t imagine there would be enough room anywhere in the mall for them to hold auditions there.  But I did a little googling and, to my surprise, the Saskatoon auditions are indeed being held at Market Mall. 

There are two reasons this is weird.  One is the space issue, as I mentioned.  The second, and more compelling is that Market Mall serves two very specific demographics.  1) Old people.  2)  Mothers with small children.  The only time anything resembling a teenager appears in the mall is over the lunch hour when the students for the local high school drop in to pick up some lunch.  But on a normal day you will see 50 senior citizens for every teenager.  The big draw for us in the mommy-crowd is the play area at the food court and the ability to do grocery shopping or errands and still give our kids the opportunity to play without having to drive all over the city.  It’s nice to keep it all under one roof. 

So anyway, I find it slightly bizarre that they would choose this mall to hold the auditions for a primarily teenage/young adult crowd in this mall. But maybe there’s a method to their madness.  Who knows.

My son appears to have accepted my proposals, at least for the time being.  So I will proceed to post a cute picture of him.

Like many other Saskatonians, I was drawn by the brand spankin’ new Walmart south of the city yesterday.  I know, I am weak.  I am the stereotypical North American, attracted to shiny objects and vast expanses of concrete and items for sale. 

I hope those of my friends who are skeptical about Walmart will not hate me. *cough* JB! *cough*  Anyway, it was busy, as expected.  The traffic was crazy getting in there because the new overpass has not been constructed yet.  I expect people will get increasingly annoyed until the city bites the bullet and does whatever it takes to finish it this summer/fall.  It was pretty much like any other Walmart I’ve ever been in.  I felt that the aisles were a bit wider than average. Maybe it was my imagination. The only really annoying thing is that this place is set up differently than the most recent Walmart built in Saskatoon.  Not exactly a mirror image, but definitely close.  This is irritating because SOME people (read: ME) get confused and spend hours wandering around looking for the hardware section.  Walmart could make the shopping experience at their stores sooo much more efficient by having a standard set up and always putting the damn entrance on the same side.  But anyway, that’s just my opinion.

A goofy site that I came across.  Find out who you were in your “past life”.

Your past life diagnosis:

---

I don’t know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern Thailand around the year 1375. Your profession was that of a sailor or shoemaker.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
Inquisitive, inventive, you liked to get to the very bottom of things and to rummage in books. Talent for drama, natural born actor.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your lesson is to learn discretion and moderation and then to teach others to do the same. Your life will be happier if you help those who lack reasoning.

---

Do you remember now?

I’m not a fan of beer but I think this could make for a fun night at the bar.