Avery: Tells us something about a classmate bugging her.
The Hubby: “Well, you can’t control anyone except…”
Avery: “YourSELF! I KNOW Dad!”
Kieran: “And ROBOTS!”
Mar
26
Young love strikes again. Avery and her “special friend” COBE, or Child Of Boundless Energy, (yes, this one) have formulated a plan. Because my daughter is nothing if not completely anal about planning. Which I suppose is a good thing when it comes to family planning. So behold the plan hatched by two five year olds…
Translation: We will marry each other. Then we will have a baby. After that we will feed it. After that we will give it a nap. Then we’ll go to a baby shower. Then we will play with it. Then we will go shopping and we will buy baby clothes and we will buy baby shoes. Then we will dress it. Then we will change it’s diapers. Â (And the sticky note: We will name it too.)
The sticky note was glued on for good measure because we wouldn’t want to forget the all-important step of naming the infant. Â The two of them came up with this “plan” at school and as soon as we got home Avery set to work to put it in writing. Because once the young man has made promises she’s not going to let him get away with any monkey business. They have a contract, dammit! The documents were brought to school the next day to be viewed and ok-ed by the prospective husband and father and with the teacher’s seal of approval as witness (a pink sticky note with her thanks to Avery for sharing her story in class), life as we know it may never be the same.
And so, with a plan in hand and a husband and child in her future, my daughter can happily relax and enjoy the next ten years of her life. Because she’s pretty sure she needs to be at least fifteen years old before she has a baby.
EEK! I’m hoping she’ll come up with another plan before then. Maybe one that involves university? Or perhaps her fairly recent fear of childbirth will resurface before then and she’ll change her mind. Otherwise a glimpse into my future would reveal a lot prescription medications and a large glass of wine. Lots and lots of wine.
Feb
14
Won’t you be my [freaky] valentine?
May you always have someone to cheer you on…
…and enough sparkle in your life to keep things interesting!
Feb
13
So what’s been going on around here lately? Well, besides all of us doing multiple daily shots of penicillin, we’ve been all over the napping and kleenex scenes. Because that’s just how we roll.
My daughter has recently become obsessed with the idea of having long hair and can frequently be found with her head tilted back at an impossible angle, trying to create the feeling of locks that reach down her back. The problem is, what she is imagining is this:
But what she’ll likely end up with, if she grows it out, will be more like this:
The reason I know this is because her hair is just like mine and as much as I’ve always wanted thick, long, supermodel hair, wishing just doesn’t make it so. However, I understand that it will likely take experience with thin and stringy long hair before she is actually ready to accept this fact, so I’m trying to prepare myself for dealing with the funny-looking hair for a few years if she really does follow through with this.
She has also decided that it’s well past time for her 5 and a half year old self to be shedding her baby teeth. She has been walking around wiggling them so vigourously that if they weren’t loose before, they WILL BE SOON. What she will do when she has a mouthful of loose teeth from constant wiggling, or NO TEETH when they all fall out, I don’t know!
Also, my son woke up from his nap today wearing his socks on his hands like mittens. He’s done it a couple of times before and I suspect he put them on his hands before falling asleep and it’s just all kinds of adorable. I suspect it will be less so if he does it when he becomes a bigger and smellier boy with much stinkier socks.
On the home front, there is enough sludge growing in my toilets to execute a hostile takeover of our home and enough dustbunnies in the corners to eat the children. The result of several weeks of sickness. I plan to give my husband clean toilets for Valentine’s Day because I’m romantic that way.
And now, a short rant: Avery’s class has a strict no-food party policy. We are not allowed to send in treats for birthdays or holidays. Some people feel this is excessive but frankly, I find it refreshing. It takes off a lot of pressure for parents and especially for those in the class who maybe can’t afford to bring in treats. Also our kids don’t get pumped full of sugar on a weekly basis at school. But apparently Valentine’s Day doesn’t qualify because despite the rule, Avery came home with a veritable bucket full of chocolate and candy received from classmates for V-Day. I guess the rule-follower in me just can’t handle the mass mutiny against the kindergarten rule of law. Also, is it really a common practice for people to buy gifts for teachers on Valentine’s Day? Because I love teachers as much as the next parent, hell, both my parents are teachers! But I’m just not willing to shell out the cash for gifts beyond Christmas and the end of the school year. Guess I’m just a cheap shmuck.
We are now coming to the end of our daily disjointed blog post. Please wait until the rambling has come to a full stop before exiting the blog. Have a nice day folks.
Feb
1
My son is a masochist. There’s no denying it. During a visit to the doctor’s office this week he was more than a little disappointed by the fact that he didn’t receive a shot. He was only somewhat placated by having his temperature taken. Rectally.
Dear Son,
Sorry about discussing your hind quarters on the internet. Call it a momentary lapse in judgement that keeps on giving for the rest of life as you know it.
Your loving mother
Nov
27
Ok, parents of little boys (or parents of girls who display the following behaviours), tell me something! Do your sons have a serious aversion to clothing? Because my two year old son has recently developed a debilitating obsession with being naked as much as possible. How am I supposed to deal with this? How do I deal with the tantrums every time we announce it’s time to get dressed, the refusal to keep his clothes on, the demands for “MOOH NAKIT!!!” and the flailing elbows and knees when we try to dress him? And WHY is he so resistant to clothing all of a sudden when he never was before? Â As cute as he is when he runs around in the buck, there are still certain occasions where it is unacceptable to show up unclothed. Help!
Also, guess which new and annoying word has now become part of the boy-child’s vocabulary? That’s right. WHY. Â
I’m screwed, aren’t I?
Oct
14
Many of you asked me to post a picture of Avery’s peanut butter survey that I wrote about the other day so here it is. I expect you are a bit disappointed as you may have been expecting a tidy sheet with columns and neat rows of legible printing. Well, she’s only 5 people! But you can see that she wrote out the names in pen and then the pencil check marks are next to the names of those kids who said they liked peanut butter. In case you need some interpretation of the “information” I am providing the translation below:
Duoo Lik Penat Batr (Do you like peanut butter?)
Niklis (Nicholas) Reena (Reena) Jack (Jack)
Cial (Kyle) Cia (Kya) Iay (Alyia)
Yasmin (Yasmin) Jiaoleeana (Juliana)
Romee (Romy) Sbastin (Sebastian)
Kasee (Kasey) David (David)
Alasin (Allison) Louias (Louis)
Alasoja (Alessandra)
It turns out I was wrong about her remembering 18 names. There are 20 kids in Avery’s class, if you don’t count Avery. So either she was mistaken when she told me she only missed 3 kids and she actually missed 5. Or Perhaps 2 of the kids she missed were absent that day in which case she was right that she only missed 3 of the 18 kids who were in school.
Oct
11
If, without prompting of any kind, your child sits down before going to school in the morning and writes out a class roster which she takes to Kindergarten (without your knowledge or permission) in order to conduct a survey of her classmates to find out who likes (and doesn’t like) peanut butter and comes home with the results of her informal poll. Â And if she had remembered the names of 18 of her 21 classmates and scrawled her mangled check marks besides names to indicate “yay” or “nay”. Â If all these things had happened, you might have a Type A personality.
May
20
You would think that a pair of nail scissors for an infant would be fairly innocuous. You would THINK…. But Avery managed to cut off some fairly big chunks of hair with them this morning. Luckily, her attempts at hairdressing don’t seem to be visible, although she may have some new “layers” that I have yet to discover. Fun.
May
7
“Daddy?”
“Yes, Avery?”
“Why do you hit Mommy sometimes?”
Yes, this is an actual statement made by Avery recently on our trip out to Manitoba. Out of the blue she asks my husband why he beats me. Where does this stuff come from??? Just for the record, my husband has NEVER hit me. I can’t wait for this kid to start preschool where she can spout her craziness in front of strangers. I just can’t wait for that phone call from her teacher. No, really. We’re fine. He doesn’t hurt us. Seriously. I’m telling the truth! Awesome.
