May 1

Yesterday I was reminded again of something I really appreciate about my husband and I felt compelled to write about it.

He had decided he was going to clean out the inside of the car after dinner and he took Avery outside with him to “help”. She is in the glory of full-blown toddlerhood, wanting to do things for herself and to try everything that we do. While this is a great stage and an important one, I find it really frustrating at times because I can be such a perfectionist and I know that I can do it faster and better on my own and I often don’t have the patience to do a task slower so that my little girl can “help” me.

This is to my shame because when I have taken time to let her try the things that I do I am rewarded with seeing her develop a sense of self and feeling proud of her ability to do grown-up things. My husband, on the other hand, often goes out of his way to let Avery “help” him and yesterday was no exception. He seems unperturbed by the fact that she often makes more work for him and just delights in letting her try things, even when they are clearly not activities she will be able to master yet. But the result of this patience is that Avery knows that her daddy believes in her and she is learning the importance of working hard and taking pride in a job well done. Most importantly, he is spending time with her and that is doing more for her and speaking more into her little life than all the things we could buy her in this world.

I frequently think to myself “Gee, I’m married to a really great guy” and just as often I think “I should tell him how much I appreciated….” and of course, I rarely follow through. These things are easy to forget about and there are so many other important (and totally insignificant but time consuming) things happening in life. But really, sometimes you just need to brag a little. So here it is: My husband is a spectacular father. I know he’ll do just as well with number two, arriving in just four weeks!

Apr 26

We’re around five weeks from baby time here. I don’t have a date set for the c-section yet but I’m supposed to deliver by 38.5 weeks and that is five weeks from now. I am alternating between excitement and apathy. I am ready to not be pregnant anymore and, of course, am starting to be uncomfortable. On the other hand, I know what I am in for in terms of the work of a new baby (even a really easy one – PLEASE GOD LET IT BE AN EASY ONE) and I am kind of enjoying the peace and quiet.

I am trying to savour this time with my family as it is before it goes through the dramatic change of adding another person and another personality to the mix.

Admist the anticipation I think there is a tiny bit of sadness that our family will never be the same again after this. I know that we will love this baby and after he arrives we will wonder how we ever had a complete family without him, but I don’t know him yet and part of me is sad that our days as a family of three are numbered. But I am looking forward to meeting this little guy and there is something so precious about a newborn. It’s almost three years since Avery was born and it will be fun to have a little baby again. I am also really looking forward to seeing our two kids together and how Avery will react to the baby. Wow. Two kids. Amazing.

Mar 31

Tonight I was having one of those weepy “Mommy Moments” where I looked at Avery and just wanted to capture that moment forever. Her little, chubby, toddlerness is already going away and she’s becoming a preschooler.

For those without kids the terms “infant, baby, toddler, and preschooler” probably don’t mean a whole lot but for those of us watching our child go through the different stages it is both exciting and excrutiating. I wonder if I will forget her expressions and her curiousity and her adorable and clumsy way of moving as she becomes a more agile “big kid”. I wonder if I will always look at her and see the baby that I gave birth to. I’d be sad to forget but it’s bittersweet to remember.

There are moments when I just want to hold her close so that I never forget the way it feels to have her little body pressed against mine and to feel her baby kisses and hear the funny things she says and smell her sweet scent. Wow this is very sentimental. If I don’t stop I’m going to cry all over the keyboard. The hormones are making me crazy.

Mar 15

Well I am now entering the third trimester of my pregnancy. There are some great things about this. I am getting close to the end and the chances of the baby being born healthy and safe increase with each day, even if he was born prematurely. I find this comforting. I am starting to look forward to the fun of having a tiny newborn again.

On the other hand, I am finding that the crazies are starting to take over my mind. If you are a woman and you’ve never been pregnant, let me just say that pregnancy simply magnifies your normal temperament. If you are normally a fairly level-headed person you will probably become moderately moody and emotional. If you are normally moody and emotional you may find yourself ready to fly off the handle over anything and everything. I would say I’m sort of a middle of the road person. I have been trying to keep myself more emotionally stable in this pregnancy (as opposed to my first where my body was possessed by the spirit of Attila the Hun) and although it has been going well better, the increasing hormones combined with the physical discomfort of the final months of the pregnancy are starting to take their toll.

It appears that I am becoming a bit of a basketcase. I must say that my husband is a real trooper and is weathering this tsunami of emotion like a pro. The frustrating thing about this moodiness is that sometimes it comes out of nowhere and I don’t even know what will make it better. I find myself overwhelmed easily and generally oversensitive about things. There is nothing more annoying than weeping and raging over something completely unreasonable and knowing that it is completely unreasonable. It’s hard to feel out of control. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to implode.

But the good news is…just 10 or 11 more weeks! The countdown is on and we are looking forward to it. I just finished the last reading material I needed to do for my class. All I have left is one essay and the final. I am very pleased with myself for sticking it out and finishing this course.

Mar 2

I am surprised that our car wasn’t crushed beneath the Lose Weight Exercise of the snow that fell yesterday. It took me a full ten minutes to brush all the snow off the car. It was one of those days when you just want to stay home and pretend winter doesn’t exist.

But I had to go out to a bunch of places yesterday, braving the crazy roads and waddling my pregnant behind through a foot and a half of snow. All in all, by the end of the day I was pretty pissed off by the weather. But the good news is that my presentation went smoothly and, despite the weather, there was still a reasonable turnout for the class. I had nightmares of presenting to my professor and two students which would have been akward, to say the least. Anyway, I’m glad yesterday is over. I’ve been dreading it for a long time.

Feb 22

No, I haven’t forgotten to finish off the entry about “Hey Nostradamus”. I just don’t have time right now to write the whole thing up. But I have to comment on the latest in frustrating pregnancy symptoms. I believe I’m going to start needing a blood transfusion every time I brush my teeth because my gums are bleeding so much. And no, for those of you who are apalled at my apparently poor dental hygiene, I do not have gingivitis. It is a normal reaction to pregnancy for a woman’s gums to bleed because the body has 50% more blood than it normally has so blood vessels get swollen and, therefore, you bleed more easily. But it’s getting ridiculous. Isn’t that a lovely and cheerful picture to start your morning?

According to the Old Wives Tales quiz I took this morning I am likely having a girl. This is in direct contradiction to the penis we saw on two different ultrasounds. Hmm…

Feb 3

So I am in Manitoba visiting my parents with my daughter. I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time. Getting away can be good for the soul. Unfortunately, I’ve come down with a cold/flu and am feeling totally crappy. At least there is satellite tv to keep me company in my misery. And Barney videos for the little monster. :) I am just thoroughly annoyed with my body’s poor timing.  And I just realized that I forgot a book at home that I needed to take with me because I needed to read it for my class the day after I get back. I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it through 300 pages in the 24 hours between my arrival home and my class. Stupid placenta brain! I am getting dumber every second!

Jan 29

I keep trying to convince myself that I’m still in that part of pregnancy where I feel basically “comfortable”. When you’re pregnant that’s about the best you can hope for. But the illusion is starting to crack as I spend more nights tossing and turning trying to find a position that is conducive to sleep that doesn’t mean cutting off circulation for myself or the baby. Obviously lying on my stomach is out and I normally don’t find that a comfortable position anyway. Back sleeping is now also out of the question because the Lose Weight Exercise that my growing belly puts on my back is painful after just a few minutes. So that leaves side sleeping. Unfortunately, pregnant woman are not supposed to sleep on their right side because it cuts off the blood flow of a major blood vessel and isn’t great for the baby. I am getting kind of pissed off trying to sleep in the exact same position all night. I am also getting pissed off at the number of times I have to get up to pee. And most of all, I am pissed off that I am not sleeping right now because it’s almost 4am and I have been having a crappy sleep for the last 4 hours and I have to get up in another 3 and what’s the point in trying to sleep when I wake up every 5 minutes anyway? My attitude, like my body, is not currently in the best shape. It’s nights like these that make me think stopping at two kids would be a great idea.

Jan 13

We had an ultrasound today of the baby and we asked the doctor to tell us the gender. I had myself all prepared to be disappointed because it seems like everyone I know who tries to find out the sex of their baby gets a wishy washy answer that leaves them feeling like they know less than when they started. So I was very surprised to be told, without any drama, that it is a boy! I was almost in shock! For some reason I was expecting another girl. Maybe because Colin’s extended family only has girls. His grandma has seven great-granddaughters and no great-grandsons! Our son will be the first boy!

I am excited and a little apprehensive. I grew up in a family of all girls and I wonder how it will be to parent a boy.  I’m sure I’ll figure it out. I really just feel amazed and in shock. I have this real and amazing little person inside me and I saw him and all his organs and parts. Ultrasound technology is one of the most amazing and fulfilling experiences. I am getting more and more excited about this new baby and finding out what kind of a little person he is. I couldn’t have imagined the personality of our daughter if I had tried and I’m sure this little guy will have some surprises for me up his proverbial sleeve as well.

So until June, we’ll be seeing the world in blue.

Dec 20

Well, you can tell the excitement of the new blog has worn off. I haven’t been able to think of anything to write about lately. I don’t want this to be purely about my pregnancy but, to be honest, it is occupying most of my thoughts these days. I felt the first real kick yesterday. Actually it felt like the baby did a cartwheel. I was so surprised I actually jumped. All the people who were in the room with me noticed. It was kind of funny. I get my first ultrasound on Friday and I’m pretty excited about that. Apparently this baby has an attitude already. It won’t sit still long enough to let the doctor hear the hearbeat.

I’ve been kept busy the last several weeks with Christmas preparations and it’s been pretty good. I’m really looking forward to seeing Avery open her presents this year because she’s actually starting to understand the whole idea. It’s this conflict within me because I don’t want Christmas to be all about presents and promote commercialism, but I can’t help wanting to spoil my daughter. Not that I personally spend a lot of money on her. But between aunts and uncles, grandparents and friends, Santa will be good to her this year. And that’s another thing…what to do about the whole Santa thing. I don’t think I want to go to the extent that some people I know go to convince their children that Santa is real, but it’s fun to watch how excited Avery is when she talks about Santa bringing her presents. Of course, that was after she got over her horror when I told her Santa would be coming to our house at Christmas. She was not at all impressed by that possibility. It’s neat to see Christmas through the eyes of a young child.

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