Sep 29

For our trip back to Canada I picked up a bunch of magazines, a past time in which I rarely indulge. I don’t generally spend money to read celebrity gossip or sensationalist journalism. But it was a guilty pleasure for the trip. The biggest thing that stood out to me was how many trends which I remember are coming back “in”.

The first appalling thing about this is that I am now old enough to remember trends from the first time around. Guess that’s something we all have to accept as we age. But I thought I would at least break 30 before I did so!

The second appalling thing is that I can definitely come down firmly opposed to all of these trends. I can not and will not embrace them. Have I become so out of touch with fashion? Has motherhood rendered me completely style-less? You be the judge…

Clothing Trends Which I Reject:

-Vests: I don’t like vests. Period. I guess under a tux they are ok. And the down-filled kind for cool weather are good. But I DO NOT like this:

-Leggings: Cute on little girls. On adults? Notsomuch. Unless you are a fan of showing off your cellulite.

-Skinny jeans: My take on the skinny jean? There aren’t enough people on the planet who are actually skinny enough to wear said jeans to warrant having them around at all. Only a fraction of those who wear them actually look good in them. My waist is ever so slightly larger than the circumference of both my ankles (*snort!*) and a similar waist to ankle measurement is what is needed to look good in skinny jeans.

-Plaid!!!: All I can say is WTF-ever Fashion World?

Why is plaid coming back? Why? Plaid is not, nor will it ever be, high fashion. I’m sorry. It’s just not. (Except on my friend RC who makes plaid cool.)  And those long, plaid dress shirts with a belt over top and leggings underneath? Gross! Plaid belongs on mens’ casual button up shirts and couches at the cabin. Period.

Ok, ok, ok. I know I’m pretty much the last person on the planet who deserves to be giving fashion advice as I could easily be the next victim on What Not To Wear. But I’m feeling a tad cranky and tired (oh renovations, when will you stop torturing me???) and sometimes a good bitch session clears up the grumps, you know? So there it is. I’m done judging. And it’s not like I would ever tell someone I hate what they’re wearing. It’s more an indication of how long it’s been since I read a fashion magazine and that most of these trends require a body shape that I simply do not possess. All signs point to an annual reading of popular fashion magazines to indulge in mocking style trends see what I’m missing in my wardrobe!

Jan 31

Avery has decided that she NEEDS to wear these glasses 95% of all her waking hours at home.  She would wear them out of the house except that I have instilled in her a mortal fear of losing the glasses somewhere. 

It’s hard not to laugh out loud at her as she watches tv, plays with toys, reads books, eats dinner, throws tantrums and does everything with her spectacles.  

Please ignore the jagged bangs that her mother may or may not have cut with garden shears after a couple of beers. 

Avery has also finally begun to show an interest in dressing herself. I know many kids start this much earlier in life and I had counted myself lucky as I could continue to dress her like my own little doll and she would happily wear whatever I picked.   Explaining to a three year old that articles of clothing should “match” but clothing does not necessarily have to be the same color in order to “match” is exactly as easy as drinking the entire ocean in one gulp.  And try telling her why wearing a shiny, satiny dress
backwards over her clothes is not the epitome of fashion week in Paris? Forget it.  

I know some of you are thinking “Give the three year old a break!  Who cares what she wears as long as she’s happy?”  I am trying to let her wear what she wants at home and if it’s dreadfully hideous then changing just the shirt or the pants before we go out and giving her a better option.  I’m sorry. I’m just too anal to let her wear clothes that are completely mismatched. Call it three-year-old therapy. She’s slowly teaching me to be less uptight.