We’ve been slowly but surely wading through the adoption paperwork and all in all it was moving along pretty smoothly. But now we have hit the first wave of speedbumps (related to red tape and a lack of psychiatric professionals in this province – we require signatures from a psychiatrist to confirm our mental health) and I have to say, it’s frustrating. No big revelation there.

I don’t want or plan for this blog to become all about adoption.  But right now it’s a significant portion of my life and is overwhelmingly in the forefront of my thoughts as we prepare the documents we need to send across the ocean. I haven’t been writing much because I don’t want to write the same things over and over and because I don’t have a whole lot to say. But the blog isn’t forgotten. Thank you to those of you who continue to read even when the material is sparse.

adoption | 2 Comments »

Dear Chosen Child,

This is the first of what may be many letters. The beginning of what will very likely be a long and excruciating and completely unconventional kind of pregnancy. We have been thinking and dreaming about adopting since before we had your brother and sister but only in the past few months have we begun actively proceeding towards that end. As we begin to discuss details and paperwork and plans I spend more and more time dreaming about you. And then it hit me…

You are very likely not even born yet. We expect to wait several years for a referral and with the age limit we have set, it is most likely you will be born in the next 6 to 18 months. We are planning for a child who has not yet been born to a mother who will eventually decide to give you up. Somewhere a woman is pregnant, or will be very soon. Somewhere she is, or will be, feeling and thinking…I don’t know what. I can’t pretend to know. But she is, or will be, carrying you. So I can’t help think about her and be grateful for her and hope that you will keep enough of her inside you to help answer the questions you will no doubt have some day.

Somewhere, you will be born this year. On a day I won’t know and a time I won’t realize. My heart hurts, knowing your dad and I won’t be there right from the start but that’s going to be a fact of our relationship. Your beginning will be special. You will touch other people’s lives before you touch ours. But you will be in our hearts from the beginning, before we know you.

Right now I feel somewhat overwhelmed by the paperwork involved in getting permission to wait for you. But the fact that this road will eventually lead to bringing you into our arms is giving me the motivation I need.

Meanwhile, I think of you and I think of the mother who will carry you in her body while I carry you in my heart. She and I are connected, and always will be. It is heartbreaking that for you to come into our family she will have to let you go. But it is beautiful, too. I promise you this, we won’t forget her.

Maybe it sounds like I have a romanticized view of this process. Believe me, I am doing my best to understand the realities of adopting. I know there will obstacles while we wait, challenges when we meet, hurdles as we bond. But I am choosing to believe that even though we are sacrificing witnessing the first few years of your life by taking this path, it will be worth it in the end to know you. I believe it will be worth it for you to be a part of our family.

Holding you in my heart until then,
Mommy

adoption, dear chosen child | 3 Comments »

I haven’t mentioned it yet but I’m happy to say that we have received our acceptance  from the Saskatchewan Ministry of Social Services to pursue adoption. It’s probably the most painless step of the whole process so not so much a big accomplishment as it is actual evidence that we are headed down this road for real now!

Our next step is an interview/meeting with our social worker which will happen in a few days. I am not totally sure what that meeting will entail. Talking through our adoption plan, discussing the homestudy, what else? I’m not clear. But after that meeting I think we will be cleared to begin the homestudy process which is a big part of the dossier we will send to our chosen country.  Now THAT I will be nervous about! Nothing like putting your whole life and family under a microscope!

In other news, Kieran seems to be coming to grips with his own mortality. Yes, that’s right. My three year old is having an existential crisis over the fact that he will die someday. Not everyone approaches teaching their kids about death in the same way. We have always taken a very honest, but age-appropriate approach.  Avery encountered death at a very early age when her uncle died of cancer. We explained the concept as best we could at a 2-year-old level. She listened, processed, discussed, and moved on.

But the perils of having an older sister well-informed about the concept of death means a certain three year old boy has been perhaps given information at a time and in a way that he was not prepared for. It almost certainly does not help that she told him the other day that if he watched too much tv his heart would stop beating! Nothing like a little Grim Reaper with your morning cartoons!

I’ll tell you one thing. Comforting a weeping child who is afraid of dying is no picnic. Thus far, distraction has proven to be the most effective technique. We discuss the things we’re going to do tomorrow, next week, and when he grows up. It’s the only thing that seems to work at this point. I’m sure time and maturity will help. Until then, we are trying to focus on life around here!

adoption, Kieran, life and death | No Comments »

Here’s the thing: I think 2010 (and possibly the following couple of years) is going to be full of patience-trying obstacles and frustrating bureaucracy.  I’m trying to prepare myself because being ready for it takes away the initial sting if not the full ache.

And now I know some of you are totally scratching your heads and wondering what the hell I’m talking about. So here it is. 2010 is the year our family begins the journey of adoption. We have been discussing and planning for this for years.  We intended to start the process years ago but, as you know if you have been following me for a while, we started moving across the country, south to the states and there was no way for us to begin without being settled in a location for the foreseeable future. Well, now we are settled and have done our initial research in choosing a country and learning more about the process and we will be submitting our first application to the government in the next week or so. That is the beginning of the waiting.

The waiting is what I am both trying to prepare for and realizing there will be no preparing.  All you can do with waiting is try and distract yourself. But you still have to wait. You can expect to hear a lot about the waiting here.

I haven’t yet decided how much I am going to say about the process yet, or if I’m going to talk about the country we’ve chosen or other aspects of the journey. I may share all the details or only some. But I am really excited to finally be taking steps to bring a third child into our family and I wanted to post about it here.

And here are a few pictures from Christmas because I know everyone likes a little bling and I am not always good about posting pictures.

The tooth fairy FINALLY visited our house. Avery was thrilled!

And then the tooth fairy was back for a second tooth not long after. The tooth fairy is going to have to take out a line of credit. Avery is quickly learning that loosing teeth is a fairly lucrative business!

Avery’s look of horror upon opening the big box she thought contained a piano only to discover the wine glasses and umbrellas daddy had hidden inside.

The kids on Christmas Eve, dressed in their Christmas best. I love Kieran’s hat. My uncle called him Hinz Giesbrecht (a really menno sounding name) at our family gathering because he thought the hat was 100% old school German Mennonite. I still love it.

adoption, Christmas, waiting | 8 Comments »