Dear Avery,

In the last week you learned to ride your bike without training wheels. I can’t tell you how proud I was to see you finally get the hang of it. You’ve been working on it for a couple of summers now and there was more than one day when you cried in frustration and at least one day when you insisted you would never be able to do it. So when you were finally able to get going on that bike the victory in your face was pure joy for both of us. I’m not ashamed to say I shed a tear or too when you finally got it.

Every day you take another step away from me. You began by riding your bike up and down the sidewalk in front of our house and the house next door.  You soon graduated to going up and down the sidewalk the full length of the street. But before long that wasn’t far enough. You began to beg to go around the block alone. This is something we’ve never let you do for several reasons. First, your sense of direction is not yet that great. Second, we live on a fairly large, and not exactly rectangular block. Third, the last time I walked around the block with you allowing you to “lead the way” you would have made half a dozen wrong turns and ended up somewhere across the river if I hadn’t been there to keep you on the right path. But, after biking around the block with Daddy once, I finally relented and gave my permission for you to go around the block by yourself. Once.

Every day you take another step away from me. In a few minutes you were back and breathless and triumphant. “I didn’t fall once!” you told me excitedly. “Can I go again?” So you went again. And again. And again and again and again. The next day you went at it again. Yesterday you must have gone around the block 25 or 30 times.

Every day you take another step away from me. Independence is addictive. You are now hooked on the sweet taste of freedom and I would be a fool not to recognize that there is no turning back. I thought walking was independence. Then I thought being potty-trained was independence. And then I thought starting school was really truly independence because you would be off all day doing things without me. But this really feels like IT. For the first time you can take yourself places under your own power. Of course we have rules about where and when you can take off but suddenly this whole new world has opened up to you and there’s no going back and you are stepping away from me again.

This independence thing is hard for me. As much as I want to always keep you within eyesight I am forcing myself to keep practicing letting you go because the satisfaction and pride in your eyes when you succeed feels marginally better than wrapping you in bubble wrap and holding you close to keep you from getting hurt. But I’m not going to lie, I am not loving this.

Every day you take another step away from me and even though I don’t like it and I want to keep you close, I couldn’t be prouder when I watch you go. I love you sweet girl.

Love,
Mommy