Dear Son,
Some day I hope you have a child just like you. Generous, sensitive, caring, easy-going, constantly smiling and with a heart bigger than you thought possible. And who eats his or her dinner just slightly slower than the pace of a glacier.
I hope some day you will understand just how far past my wit’s end I was the other night when I took your dinner away (after numerous warnings) and got you into your pajamas and sent you to bed without more than a bite of dinner.
I know you won’t starve missing out on one meal. In fact, missing dinner tonight is not much different than any other night only we didn’t fight over it as long. Supper has always been the bane of your existence and frankly, I’m at a loss to understand why. After the way you run around all day you should be ravenous. But unless dinner consists of cheeseburgers or pizza you’re pretty much willing to forgo the whole fuss. Tonight I’d had enough and decided that a simple bribe or a missed dessert just isn’t going to cut it anymore. I warned you that the consequence of not eating was going to be an immediate bed-time and you called my bluff.
So when I picked you up from the table and brought you upstairs the tears started to flow immediately. You knew I meant it and you weren’t happy. You wailed while I put on your pajamas. You howled while I brushed your teeth. You sobbed as I tucked you into bed. You repeatedly broke my heart with “I wish this wasn’t happening!!!”. Me too, buddy. Me too.
They say people show who they are in a crisis. While going to bed without supper isn’t a natural disaster or unexpected tragedy, it is about as serious as things get for a privileged North American little boy. You showed me who you are tonight. Because even though you were devastated you never once kicked or fought or yelled. You didn’t try to hurt me or run away from me. You didn’t say “I hate you”. If you had, you wouldn’t have been the first three, almost four-year-old to do so.
You reminded me that you are a gentle, sweet boy who wants to be good. You crave attention and approval like any little three year old but you rarely stoop to misbehaviour to achieve it. You never resort to nastiness. Silliness maybe, but you are never mean. And most of the time you succeed at being “good”. But the fact that you are good, even when you are being disciplined says a lot about your character, buddy.
I hope some day you have a child just like you who shows you their amazing capacity for unconditional love like you did when I came in to try and settle you down. Your utter despair turned to acceptance and tears to snuggles and I just couldn’t have been more proud of you. Not even today when you announced yourself Kieran the Superhero Worm Rescuer! You are a good boy.
I love you baby.
Love,
Mommy
May 4th, 2010 at 1:22 pm
What a great moment.. thanks Shannon
May 5th, 2010 at 7:42 am
Aw Shannon, you made me want to laugh and cry. You are such a good story teller,I really enjoyed your doomed write up too, you are mean ^_^, learned that smile from your sister.
I love your parenting stories, your chosen child will be very lucky to have you.
May 6th, 2010 at 12:38 pm
I don’t know you or your son or your history of meal time struggles, so I can’t begin to tell you how to handle things with him. I am assuming that eating dinner is an ongoing confrontation, and he knows every day that the “encounter” is coming at the dinner table. What if you just stopped mentioning anything to him about his eating, don’t say a word at the table if he eats or doesn’t eat, as if you don’t even notice? Maybe his little tummy and his little mind could just relax about it all and after a while, maybe several days of leaving all the food on his plate for one meal a day, he would casually pick something up and eat it. Worth a try, I think. All the best to you in your journey of loving motherhood.
May 9th, 2010 at 10:05 am
Sounds like my Sarah
Most days she doesn’t eat dinner, she just sits there and turns it into a circus for the rest of us. (I think I really hate dinner time more than any other part of the day!) She knows that if she doesn’t eat, she doesn’t get any dessert (if there is any) and it doesn’t seem to bother her. Lunch is her big meal so I try to make sure it’s healthy.
My 8 yo has gotten to the point where she clears her plate regardless of what the meal is, and the 6 yo eats everything most nights too, so I’m thinking it’s really an age thing & try not to worry about it. Really, I’m more surprised when the little ones DO eat dinner
Happy Mother’s Day! (Do you celebrate it up there? on the same day?)
June 11th, 2010 at 9:23 am
I read this with tears. Well written. I hope he gets to read it when he is an adult. Gotta go and get a tissue.
Love
Kieran’s Grandma