Dear Chosen Child,

This week we handed our enormous stack of paperwork off to our social worker to be sent off to one government office and then an adoption agency, and then to your country for translation and eventually to the government of your country and then to the bottom of a pile somewhere. This marks the beginning of our long wait.

We have just finished wading through the madness of homestudies, documentation, doctors’ appointments, criminal record checks, social services checks, lawyers and the seemingly endless details required to be allowed to wait for you. At times it feels overwhelming. A precarious mountain of paperwork to climb before we begin the slow descent towards bringing you home. Many have questioned the need for this much paperwork or the fact that we need to prove ourselves when there are children waiting for families. I’d be lying if I said I never felt even a little resentful. But a wise person has reminded me that while we are looking for a child, there are those who are searching, on your behalf, for a family.

If you ever question whether you were loved before you came to be with us, I can tell you already that I know this to be true. Because while I don’t like that it has to take so long and the red tape is sometimes tiring, it is good to know that there are people out there making sure that you will come to a good home. They don’t just care about getting rid of kids. They are genuinely concerned deeply for the children in their care and want them to have the best homes and lives possible. And while there may be days when you sincerely question their judgment in giving you to us (read: the teenage years), I hope you will feel the true devotion of these special people to seeing you not just live, but flourish.

We have been told to find out all we can about the culture of your birth. In doing so I have realized that I have had some major misconceptions regarding intercountry adoption. Countries do not relinquish their children easily. In North America we can be so egotistical as to believe that countries with orphans who need homes should thank us for adopting. But I have begun to realize how terribly much humility it takes for a government to allow citizens of another country to take and raise their children in a different culture. I have realized that while I have a responsibility to you to teach you about the country and culture of your birth, I also have a responsibility to your country of birth to teach you about the people you come from who loved you and cared for you and gave us the opportunity to love you too.

I have been warned not to call you “Chosen”. Something I never thought of as a bad thing, because I felt that I made the choice to become a parent, by birth and by adoption. Although it can safely be said that that is where my choice ended as I didn’t choose your brother and sister specifically, nor will I have the opportunity to choose you. It was suggested to me that adopted children who have grown up with the label “chosen” sometimes feel tremendous pressure to be…something extraordinary? I’m not sure. Let me be clear: I expect no more than for you to be happy and make the best choices you can in life and to learn from your mistakes. I use “chosen child” for you at this moment because I don’t know you and calling you “Child-who-is-probably-not-born-yet-and-who-I-plan-to-love-until-my-insides-explode” is not practical. I hope you understand.

With all my love,
Mommy