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The Blues

Here we are, a couple weeks into the New Year and writing seems to be slipping away from me. There have been a variety of things going on including getting our first application off to the ministry of Social Services for the adoption. The first of many steps! Taking deep breaths now.

I have been researching preschools for the fall for Kieran and alternately being excited for him to take that step and freaking out because mah baybee is growing up! OMG!

Of course there is also the post-Christmas-dead-of-winter funk which I know I’m not alone in feeling. Tired of cold and winter parkas and lack of sunshine (although better than we’ve experienced in the past several winters in Ontario and Boston) and trying not to make myself feel better by stuffing my piehole with leftover Christmas goodies.

On top of all this I am realizing that we have almost hit the 6 month mark since we left Boston. After moving 3 times in 3 years I should have been better prepared for the 6 month blues. But I wasn’t. I thought it would be different because we were moving home. Each time we moved the first few months are hectic and confusing and stressful with trying to get settled and figure out a new place. Finding out where the grocery store is, getting set up with doctors and schools and dance classes and playgroups. It’s all very overwhelming. Six months is when things have settled into a routine and our lives calm down enough to start missing home. Or missing our last home, wherever that was. Because regardless of the location, it’s natural to miss what had become familiar and comfortable. And even though Saskatoon is familiar, our life here is, of course, different than it was before we left the city.  We live in a different neighbourhood, our kids are older and attend different (and more) activities than they did before, the hubby has a different job (and twice as many), and most importantly, we are different than we were.

Now that our life has calmed down I have enough time to have increasingly frequent twinges of longing for our most recent home. They come without warning, while driving down a street, while hanging out with friends, while at the store or the park or gymnastics class. It’s not that we are unhappy here or wish we hadn’t moved. But I am a creature of habit and I can’t help but long for routine. The familiar places and people here are awesome. It has made the move so much easier. But the last few years have also taught me to greatly appreciate new friends and wonderful experiences and opportunities that we have had elsewhere and while I wait for Saskatoon to once again feel completely like home (from my experience, this usually sets in around twelve months post-move) I am trying to remind myself to be patient.

It’s amazing how predictable this process is – at least for me. I shouldn’t be surprised. But I am. And the reality is that this is a different type of life entirely than what we were living in Boston. Both have their pros and cons. It’s easy to miss the good things and conveniently forget the difficult things and I am very aware that what I’m missing is partially selective memory. I know that six months from now I will very likely feel much more settled and content. It’s all part of the natural progression of feelings associated with such a big move.

So that’s where we’re at. Pre-adoption. Pre-preschool. Six month post-move blues.

2 Responses

  1. Lori Klassen Says:

    One of your many gifts is that you are so incredibly self-aware. That will stand you in good stead. Your funk is predictable yet you are unprepared for the acuteness of it. Most people can relate to that. As you know, you just have to wait for time to hurry up!
    I had a difficult time when my baby started pre-school. I didn’t even know I was having it but one of the symptoms was watching Moms and babies in a park and I would tear up. I wasn’t thinking “I wish my son were that young again.” but at a level other than cognitive my spirit was reacting to the loss of those days and coming out in tears everytime I saw a Mom and Babe together.
    Now my baby is in Junior High. Of course he still is as cute as ever but now he has stinky feet!

  2. Allison Says:

    Right now I’m longing for the luxury of being set up enough that I start to feel a bit homesick. Not that I want to feel homesick, but it will maybe mean a lot of our bureaucratic headaches will be over. The blues are in fact the first sign that you’re now “at home” in the new place. It’s been reassuring to hear how similar your experiences with long-distance moving have been!