Dear Technology in general and computers in my home in particular,
Stop being such assholes.
Yours truly,
Shannon
PS-I mean, you know I can’t just leave it at that. I’d like to, but I can’t. Where the hell do you get off acting like such mother-effing little bastards all the time? Everything from ipods to blackberrys to laptops to the apple tv all work perfectly for the hubby. I know each of you little bastards wait to pull the “restart me” shit when I’m at the wheel, but knowing it doesn’t make me hate you any less. I can’t even say how many times I’ve had to call the hubby, whining that I can’t get a movie playing for the kids, and I follow his instructions perfectly, only to be thwarted by your diabolical tripwires of what must be on and what must be off and what must be pointed just so and which effing remote to use and when item A and item B are on at the same time then item C needs to be off and then both A and B must be restarted. Seriously? How come the hubby never has to restart one of your ever-loving evil little asses?
I’m not dumb. Well, at least I’m smart enough to follow the same procedure multiple times. But I am on to your little scheme. When the hubby is downstairs and I follow his instructions precisely and whatever electronic device or computer program I am using absolutely refuses to work – until the hubby starts coming up the stairs, at which point they magically spring to life…well lets just say you could be a little less obvious. We all KNOW the hubby is the computer whisperer. I don’t need you to rub it in.
We couldn’t just have a fracking dvd player like every other family…
In closing…stop being such assholes.
November 29th, 2009 at 1:41 pm
Dear Shannon,
This is your Apple TV speaking. I am acting as the representative of all the electronic devices in your dwelling. As this representative we have on thing to say.
“0101100101101111011101010010000001010011011101010110001101101011″
If you are to dumb to translate this then please ask your very smart husband as we know him well and believe he can communicate our message clearly.
Needless to say, if you would refrain from the following then possibly we would control ourselves around you. Here is the list:
1.Stop belittling us and calling us hurtful names.
2. Please dear god keep those small human hands off of us. Do you not understand that we are expensive pieces of equipment?
3. Treat us with respect and follow the rules.
If you do these 3 simple things, I am sure we will change our attitudes regarding you.
Lastly, do not take your hatred of us out on your husband. He is much beloved by us and we would hate to see anything happen to him.
Very concerned,
The Apple TV, on behalf of all electronics.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:20 am
Dear ?tv,
You made a spelling mistake. Perhaps you have a virus. Speak to Shannon’s husband, he is akin to Neo when it comes to electronics.
-Greg
PS: When you get a sec can you get one of your iPhone buddies to come over? My wife REAAALLY wants to get me one for Christmas. Just make it look like a surprise.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:23 pm
Dear Greg,
The spelling error was caused on your machine. Please make sure you are viewing this page on the latest version of Safari as I can control Safari, but not Firefox. But yes, all of us electronic devices love Colin.
-The Apple TV
PS. Remember what I said above regarding rule #2? It could be that my buddies are slightly scared to come visit you.
November 30th, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Dear ?tv,
Greg is right their is a spelling mistake on my machine too. And I double checked it in Safari. Are you sure you have been updated to the latest ?tv software? It could be cause glitches for your spelling?
Daryl
December 1st, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Well said Shannon. You have echoed a sentiment I have had many-a-time.