Dear Boston, 

Can I just say that I’m loving the ridiculously warm weather and the beautiful sunshine? I know we haven’t been on the best of terms lately but the early blooming of flowers and leaves on trees and days of unseasonably warm weather has seriously improved my feelings towards you.

Yours,
A Sun-Worshipper

 

Dear Neutrogena,

I want  to believe that SPF 100 is going to keep me from getting sunburned. I really do. Don’t let me down.

Yours,
A Skeptical Consumer

Dear Johnson & Johnson,

Just in case these rough economic times were causing you any anxiety about the future of your  company, please be assured that your Bandaid line will pretty much have a direct source of income from my bank account. The first warm weekend of the season included enough bandaid use by my kids to require a trip to pick up several new boxes. Perhaps we could set up some sort of bulk discount?

Yours,
A Bandaid Application Specialist (Mommy)

Dear Tourists,

If you could just restrain your curiosity and refrain from peeking into our backyard every time you walk out on our retaining wall to get out on the rocks that stretch into the ocean that would be great, k? I don’t go climbing over your fence to stare into your backyard, and I don’t bring a dozen friends with me in a constant parade of voyeurs to check out your home or your kids. Keep your nose out of mine.

Also? If you’re going to walk out on the rocks, take a look at the what the water is doing. That whole tide thing? Isn’t an urban legend.

Exhibit #1: Low Tide

Exhibit #2: Half-way-in Tide (With Stranded Tourists)

You look like morons when you get stranded out there and we have to call the fire department to come and rescue you. If not for them, exhibit #3 would have been you drowning because you weren’t even smart enough to walk to the one or two dry points that clearly do not get covered at high tide instead of standing and waiting to be swept out to sea.

Yours,
A  Disgruntled Oceanside-Dweller

Dear Weekend,

Why do you have to be so damn short?

Yours,
A Lonely Wife of a Working Husband

Dear Offspring,

I can’t tell you much I appreciate you spending every waking moment running around outside since the weather warmed up. Really, I’ve been waiting for this moment so long! This moment being the time when I could send you outside without having to be there to supervise every. single. moment. and just let you loose to play your imaginary games and get dirty and entertain each other for hours…. 

Also, I am totally loving how tired out you are after a full day of running around outside. So tired that you can’t even make it all the way up the ladder to the top bunk before crashing….

(Yes, she was really asleep). Now if we could just keep you from falling down and tearing off chunks of skin every five minutes we’d be all set for a perfect summer.

Thankfully,
Your Loving Mother