Jan 28

It was bound to happen sooner or later. But honestly, I was not prepared to deal with this so early. How does a mother react, knowing such events have transpired which are beyond her knowledge and control?

It all started out innocently enough. My daughter had become good friends with a little boy in her kindergarten class, let’s call him Child Of Boundless Energy. As it happens, COBE’s family lives just one house over from us and back before Christmas we thought it would be nice to invite him over for pizza/movie night with our kids since the two of them were such good friends at school.

Because COBE’s mom is a delightful human being, she helped him purchase flowers to bring Avery for their DATE (COBE’s words, not mine or his mother’s)!!! I was surprised that COBE was taking this so seriously, but he was totally adorable when he showed up and handed the flowers matter-of-factly to Avery the moment he walked in the door, so what could I say?

I made the two of them pose for a picture later to capture the moment for purposes of future embarrassment historical record:

As an aside, GOOD LORD, five year old boys are a freaking force of nature! If you could bottle that energy for sale it would almost certainly be classified as an illicit drug rocket fuel. Luckily COBE is a generally well-behaved kid and the two of them got along mostly without incident – although we did not watch a movie that night as the kids were so ramped up by the excitement of playing together outside of school that they were incapable of sitting still for longer than 2 seconds to wolf down pizza. 

Cue, this Monday. COBE is once again over to play. They are tearing apart our second floor while I am making dinner. Avery comes running downstairs giggling and prancing around as 5 year old girls are wont to do.

“I have a secret!” she says.

“Oh?” I respond nonchalantly, “And what is this secret about?”

Thank the sweet baby Jesus this child is not a naturally gifted liar. “COBE kissed me! And then I kissed him! It’s supposed to be a secret!” she blurts out in a fit of giggles.

….

After I picked my jaw up the floor we had a short discussion about kissing being an activity for when she’s older and that it’s nice to show we like someone by telling them so or hugging them.  Then she ran off to play with her boy-toy some more.

OMG! Are you kidding me??? My vixen of a five year old has already talked an honest lad into giving up his virtue under my very roof! Is it too early to lock her up? And what do I tell his mother???

Cupid, have mercy!

Jan 26

If you happen to be one of those people whose wretched children precious cherubs wake long before the sun each morning you might find yourself feeling debilitatingly exhausted a mite tired. You might find yourself in bed by the side of a spouse who feels the same.  You might find yourself awakened by your generous and loving spouse who gently wakes you, reminding you that both of you had better get going or the whole family will be late.  

So you might drag your tired self out of bed and get the kids, who have an unholy amount of energy, downstairs for breakfast. You might expect your spouse to be showering and shaving and doing all of his normal morning routine and heading out the door any moment, as per usual. So when you run upstairs to hop in the shower yourself you might be slightly vexed to find your oh-so-thoughtful spouse snoring his helpful face off in bed.

Not that this has ever happened to me on a weekly basis, but some people might find that irksome. Some people might even feel inclined to smother said spouse with a pillow. Thankfully some people have at least some measure of self-restraint!

Jan 25

I may not have pets of my own (unless you count my unruly children who may or may not chew on furniture and pee on the floor) but I am an animal-lover.  So, in support of the Best Friends Animal Society, I’m posting the first song from Neko Case’s soon-to-be-released album Middle Cyclone (released on March 3). Neko Case will be donating five dollars to Best Friends Animal Society for every blog that posts the new single! That’s a cause I can get behind. Enjoy!

 

People Got A Lotta Nerve – Neko Case

If you have a soft spot for critters and  a blog you can find out the details on what you need to do right here.

Jan 20

 So here I am, a Canadian in the United States on this, the inauguration day of the 44th president of this country.  There’s no denying that today was momentous for a variety of reasons and being in this country on this historic day was moving, even if I wasn’t among the crowds in Washington.

I have to give credit to Americans. They do patriotism like nobody’s business. It is inspiring to see people to passionate about their country even if I sometimes feel like some overzealous citizens occasionally misplace that passion. Some have said that it matters more what the new president does with his position than all the pageantry of the ceremony itself. Of course, this is true. You’d have to be insane to think otherwise. But I think that the fanfare is useful in that it is a marker. That’s what ceremony is – a line in the sand, a point of origin. It doesn’t matter as much to some as it does to others but as a nation, I can see the value in having a moment to look back upon. Yes, the words spoken today mean nothing if not supported by action. But I think celebration is worthwhile and what I saw today was a celebration that will be remembered for generations to come.

As many commentators noted today, watching President Obama stumble over the oath of office drove home his humanity. The new president is not a Messiah and it’s nice to have a reminder of that. Personally, I just like to see the human side of leaders. Sometimes they seem so robotic. 

Even more striking to me, was to see the very prominent role that religion still plays in American government. It is very foreign to me to see the mixture of church and state so accepted and even seemingly celebrated. I have my own opinions on this issue but it was definitely a lesson in American culture to observe the very Christian overtones of today’s ceremonies.

Most poignant of all was the participation of Reverend Joseph Lowery who is considered one of the founders of the American Civil Rights Movement. There were many Americans in attendance today who have lived through decades of intolerance and hate and to have a very visual representation of how far the country has come was very touching. What a long way this country has come and how grateful I am to have witnessed it!

Jan 19

You know those days when it snows and snows and, oh my goodness, it snows some more?  And because you encourage healthy living are tired of your kids, you send them outside to indulge in a little winter play.

Of course they come inside, hours later, dripping wet. Being a conscientious parent you eventually put their dripping clothes in the dryer.  And when you proudly pull the warm snow pants and jackets from the dryer an hour later you quickly realize there is a problem. A problem that smells like melted plastic. Because in all your gung-ho winter enthusiasm you just might have forgotten that your son’s jacket needs to be dried at a low temperature which is unfortunate since you set the heat to just a hair below volcanic temperatures.

Not that it happened to me. I’m just saying, aren’t snowy winter days an absolute pleasure? 

Jan 17

I’m blatantly stealing borrowing Rude Cactus‘ “weeklies” post format (Hi Chris! Sorry about the plagiarism!). Yeah, my well of original ideas ran dry a loooong time ago and now I am resorting to stealing borrowing.

The weekly bad food idea: caramel dipping sauce with apple slices at McDonalds. While I love  that my kids can get apple slices with their meals instead of fries, I question why caramel dipping sauce is necessary for apples. Yes, I know it tastes sugary good. But seriously, ketchup is bad enough, does McDonalds really want to punish parents with sticky, messy caramel? 

The weekly annoying traffic habits: not signalling. In the area where I live it is extremely common for drivers not to signal when they are turning (left or right, changing lanes) and it is frequently annoying. Also, it is very common for a person to turn left as soon as the light turns green, rather than waiting for the oncoming traffic to drive straight through. Sometimes several vehicles will turn through oncoming traffic, causing the oncoming traffic to have to wait. I think it is incredibly obnoxious but when I’ve thrown my hands up in protest the reaction from the opposing drivers is less than apologetic.

The weekly poor fashion choice: not wearing mittens. Every day this week I was the bad mom who didn’t send my kid to school with a hat, scarf and mittens. I am trying to play it like we are just badass Canadians who are too tough to wear appropriate warm enough clothing but really I’m just a bad mom and my kids and I stand around being cold, our shattering teeth announcing to the world that my children have an irresponsible mother.

The weekly bad mental space: it’s decision making time again! We are once again discussing the various pros and cons of a major decision that will affect our family in a major way and there just doesn’t seem to be an obvious winner at this point. My brain is basically melting out my ears at this point with the pressure. I even made a list of pros and cons! I’ve never felt I needed to do that before in my life and wouldn’t you know it, it didn’t help ONE EFFING BIT. So if you’re looking for me, I’ll be hiding from my husband so as to avoid making any life-altering decisions wherein I’m sure to make the WRONG CHOICE.

The weekly I-get-no-respect-around-here moment: birds. Birds are getting credit for my hard work, if you can believe that. Nearly every meal or snack begins with my 2.5 year old asking me “birds make it?” and me responding “No, the birds did not make your snack,” to which he replies “Mama make it?”.  I ask you, WHY AM I THE SECOND CHOICE IN THIS SCENARIO????  And where did my son get the idea that birds are cooking his dinner every day? And why does he ask me if a bird made his snack when he just watched me put it together? Is there some reality in which birds do cooking and cleaning? Because if there is…SIGN ME UP!

Jan 14

Daddy: Knock knock

Kieran: YES.

**************

D: Knock knock

K: Who der?

D: Banana!

K: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

**************

K: Knock knock

D: Who’s there?

K: Orange

D: Orange who?

K: YEAH!

**************

K: Knock knock

D: Who’s there?

K: Um…… baby?

D: Baby who?

K: AHAHAHAAHA!

**************

D: Knock knock

K: Who der?

D: Boo

K: Boo who?

D: Don’t cry it’s only a joke!

K: ……?

**************

Jan 12

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Well gang, today is delurking day and so as not to drop the ball on my reputation as a joiner, here I am, inviting myself to the party once again! If you come to Living in the Gray every so often, even if you’ve never commented before, please do step forward and say hi in the comments. Don’t worry, no actual exhibitionism is required. Virtual exhibitionism will be enough today! 

I do so appreciate those of you who take the time to read the silly things I write here and I’d love the chance to thank you individually!  

Jan 10

It was another day, another virus around here this week. Luckily all that is past. For the moment. 

Here’s the thing about being sick when you’re married to a person who never gets sick: you feel like a giant, whiny baby all the time. Which is not so far from the truth because  if you know me, you know I’m kind of a sissy. But what is also true is that my immune system is a bit of a pansy, too. And the hubby’s immune system is a bad-ass, muscle-bound tough guy so he almost never has so much as a sniffle. 

The thing about being the pantywaist around here is that I always suspect that the hubby thinks I’m exaggerating how rotten I feel or that I’m whining excessively. Which – let’s be honest – I probably am. Because I’m nothing if not…er…VERBAL about my discomfort.

But it SUCKS to be the one who is always down with some plague or another because it makes it look and feel like there it something intrinsically faulty with my system which would be a reasonable assumption next to a normal person. But next to me, my husband looks like a damn robot! A robot that is unsuccessfully trying to understand the mysterious human phenomenon of illness and how to behave around a sick human. So I have devised this short list of gentle reminders for dealing with a sickie like myself, because I’m helpful like that:

Shannon’s Guide for Superhuman Robots Tending To Weak, Sick Humans

1. Never, under any circumstances, question the validity of a sickie’s complaints. It won’t get you anywhere. Trust me. Whether physical or mental real or imagined, we are sick.

2. Don’t suggest that a sickie exercise or go out for a walk in order to boost their energy level. The best prescription for the recovery of good attitude health is wallowing rest, lots of TV liquids, and a healthy dose of comfort food loving support.

3. If you are attempting to assist a sickie by preparing a meal, do not ask said sickie what you should make! This is a serious faux pas! The idea is to get the masses fed, whether that means a sandwich or a opening a can of soup. It doesn’t have to be gourmet.

4. Indulge the sickie’s whining. If it’s too annoying, just try to block it out and persevere until it passes. If you have it in you, try to baby the sickie. Soothing back rubs or sympathetic nodding and a quiet environment are good. Be encouraging and empathetic. And if you can’t do that, BE QUIET.

5. Be thankful for your superior immune system! No, seriously, THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS that you’re not like us weaklings who are felled by every virus that comes our way. Your gratitude could translate into more compassion for those aren’t as strong as you are, you lucky bastard!

Jan 7

I know y’all are going to think I’ve completely lost my mind but I am actually missing decently cold weather right now. I’m sick of the slushy, soupy mess that Massachusetts gets after a snow when the weather hovers just above freezing. Today, instead of a day of steady snow we had a constant downpour of rain which turned our freshly fallen snow into a sloppy disaster. Just walking to the car is like wading through a damn waterfall.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not missing the -40-55 degree weather (-40-67 F) that Saskatchewan has been getting. I have no desire to relocate to the polar ice caps. But the typical Saskatchewan winter temperature of -12-18 (10-0 F) seems preferable in my mind. At least the snow stays snowy and although climbing over snowbanks and shovelling walks isn’t fun, it’s possible to enjoy the outdoors with the appropriate clothing. 

I miss the sun!  I actually miss crisp winter mornings where the sun is glistening off the snow…. 

….

OMG, my brain must have shorted out there for a second.

That idealistic vision bears no resemblance to my previous posts about Saskatchewan winters. But , it’s true. I do miss the sun. Sunny, bitter cold really is preferable to mild and messy.

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