Dear Creators of Turbo-Jet, Automatic Toilet-Flushers,

Do you have any idea how COMPLETELY TRAUMATIZED my daughter is (and has been since she started potty-training) by your clever little gadget? The power with which your toilets flush could not only remove the paint from the porcelain, it could shatter the toilet into a million pieces with the force of a thousand rocket launchers or a volcanic explosion.

Speaking of explosions. I think I’m going to be cleaning up after one if my daughter isn’t able to talk herself down from climbing the walls in time to get on the pot. Also? It’s not fun to crowd into a tiny bathroom stall just so I can cover the sensor so it won’t shower her from behind while she’s doing her business. Just so you know, I already put in my potty-training time. I did so with the understanding that I would no longer have to witness excrement exiting a human body (at least, that particular human body). But the force and volume of the flushing is enough to propel her off the toilet and through the damn wall. No wonder she loseWeight Exercises it every time we enter a public restroom to confront the menacing glare of your evil little sensors! As far as she is concerned the devil himself lives in that tiny metal box behind the toilet seat, and sitting her delicate little tushy down on that plastic cover is fifteen kinds of stupid.

It’s nice that you’re trying to save us the hard, hard work of flushing public toilets ourselves, but honestly? I’ll pass. Especially if it means I get to pee without an audience. Frankly, after five years of dragging my firstborn into bathroom stalls with me, I’ve earned it.

Respectfully yours,
A Soggy Parent