I was part of the way through a post about the amusing differences in brand names and product sizes and shapes across the border but I just wasn’t feeling it. Here’s where I’m really at: missing home.  Family-home. Friends- home. Saskatchewan -home. Even – gasp! - Ontario-home.  (File that under “Things I Never Thought I’d Say”!)

It’s always like this after the first month. I know you are probably saying Wait-Haven’t you been in the USA for three months now??? And you are right. But after spending the first two months in one city and then moving to another city for the last month, we have essentially started over twice.  

So. Here we are, one month in (in the current city). And I have the blues. Par for the course.  After the boxes are unpacked and the routine is sort of established, the loneliness sets in. Unfortunately, we are finding it much more challenging getting to know people here than when we moved to Ontario last year.  The hubby’s school was a very social environment last year, lending itself to making new friendships. I found some convenient groups to be involved in and was lucky to meet some people who were also new to the city and eager to make friends.

It does not feel like it’s happening as easily this time. However, memory fades the initial struggles very quickly.  I keep asking myself if it was this hard last time?  Thinking back, I know there were days when I was really lonely. Maybe it was this hard. But we are really missing the fun of hanging out with other adults. And, despite joining some groups, we are having trouble finding other adults who are interested and willing to hang out.  So there’s that. 

For me it’s such a process of getting familiar with a place that really goes a long way to making me feel “at home”.  It’s coming. But not as fast as I’d like. And, as always, days and days of rain only makes me feel the world is a gray and dismal place. And I don’t mean “gray” in the comforting “let’s all just get along” sense, either. Being in a different country, feeling everything is just a bit off, never knowing exactly how things work or when I’m going to use the “wrong” word, is contributing too. Let’s just say it’s a perfect storm of circumstances and headspace that are mixing up a super-cocktail of gloominess around our house these days. We’re beyond tired of always being the newbies and we just want to make some friends already, which is the one thing that you just can’t rush through. 

I am so TIRED of going to parks/school/lessons and feeling nothing but cool indifference from the other moms. I know people don’t usually want to go out of their way to make the new kid feel welcome.  It’s uncomfortable for them, too. And I know I have a responsibility to try to open up, make conversation, blah blah blah. But wow, is it hard these days!  I was lucky enough to get to know the mom of one of Avery’s classmates who just happens to live really close to us and she has been nothing but warm and friendly and the only thing keeping me from completely going off the deep end while dropping off/picking up Avery from school. But I can’t make one person my social circle. And I can’t direct all my desperate friend-needing energy at one person. That’s totally unfair. I am really trying to keep the hope alive that I will be able to break through the frosty exterior and get to know these other parents at school/lessons. But it’s not going well.

There’s nothing we can do but keep going. Keep trying. Keep saying “hi” and making small talk where it is received. Keep on keeping on. The next step is going to have to be church. Not that we are opposed to church. But we have often been tagged as “black sheep” in church settings because of our views and it causes an understandable reluctance to throw ourselves back into that setting. But church is often a good way to get to know people. So I guess that’s the next experiment in our friend-seeking journey. All of this is a very good reminder to me that a little friendly small-talk may go a looong way in another person’s life and that I need to give a little extra when new people show up in my various social circles.

The great news is that I am just two weeks from seeing my very best friend in the world for the first time in two and a half years! Time, money and distance have kept us from spending any time together and our last (very short) visit was just days after Kieran’s birth, and right smack in the middle of my BFF’s move from Saskatchewan to BC so neither of us were in any condition to bond. I think it’s safe to say we are both losing our minds with excitement! It’s the light at the end of the tunnel for me right now and it’s so good to have something to look forward to in the near future!