It’s Halloween today. I know because my kids woke up in the middle of the night early to howl at the moon. Ok, maybe they weren’t howling at the moon. It was more of a maniacal cackling over their plans to wreak destruction and perform unspeakable acts of evil today. Evil like TORTURING THEIR MOTHER BY WAKING UP AT FIVE IN THE “BLESSED” AM. Happy freaking Halloween.

And just to clarify? Yes, Canadians DO celebrate Halloween. I’ve been asked that a number of times already and yes, we in the Great White North also indulge in trampy wacky costumes and excessive sugar on October 31. It’s not just an American custom.

I don’t do Halloween the way many people here in the states seem to do it. I don’t do the decorations and yard displays.  I don’t do the “adults investing time and money to buy and make slutty elaborate costumes and dressing up for any event where it might be considered even REMOTELY appropriate”. I don’t do dressing up. Even as a child (when I still did dress up) it was less of an exciting opportunity to be “someone else” and more of an excruciating test of creativity and, undeniably, a litmus test for popularity. I could never quite get it right. I could never come up with a funky and interesting homemade or thrift-shop costume and I didn’t have the money to just buy a cool costume. I managed to pass with some winners that I considered acceptable.  But it always felt like a test that I was somehow failing. 

So now? I don’t do it. And I’m happy with that. We carve ourselves a pumpkin or two and I dress up my kids and I enjoy that. So maybe that makes me a hypocrite? Whatevah. I refuse to feel like I’m missing out on something big by not dressing up when it makes me feel exceedingly awkward. Comfortable is the new black, y’all. And black is a Halloween colour, right?

So. I don’t dress up. I DO, however, do Halloween in the stuffing my piehole with chocolate and candy sense. Because if a holiday that’s all about candy is wrong, baby, I don’t want to be right. And isn’t it SO UNFORTUNATE that my 2 year old is still not allowed to eat anything with peanuts/peanut butter in it? It’s a complete and utter travesty that he will not be able to eat any Reese peanut butter cups until at least next year (assuming he doesn’t, in fact, have a peanut allergy) and instead, I will be forced (forced, I tell you!) to consume them in order to keep him (and my peanut allergic husband) safe.  Because that’s just the kind of dedicated mother I am. 

Happy Halloween, folks!

Canadian holidays, holidays, kids, parenting, the crazy | No Comments »

On Sunday we decided to carve pumpkins with the kids because we’re clinically insane. Pumpkin carving is supposed to be a great family activity, right? Well it appears that our kids are already too cool to do the family thing. Because after five minutes of feigning interest in pumpkins that weighed more than the two of them, they left me and the hubby to the messy work of cleaning out the mucky insides of the pumpkins while they ran off to play. That is despite the hubby’s very best efforts to entertain them and keep them engaged…

He’s special, isn’t he?

Then I decided to morph into Martha-freakin’-Stewart and try, for the first time ever, to actually use the pumpkin flesh.  How hard could it be, right?

I’m here to tell you: HARD. 

Sweet Baby Jesus, I had no idea it would be a WHOLE DAY PUMPKIN EXTRAVAGANZA. I scraped, I chopped, I sorted, I cooked (and cooked and cooked), I mashed, I blended, I mixed. And then I made pie dough. Anyone who says pie dough is SO HARD to make has never spent a whole afternoon fiddling with messy pumpkin guts. Pie dough is so easy, people! It has like 5 ingredients and it always turns out. Where as pumpkin pie filling….not so much.

I used a recipe from an old Mennonite cookbook created my the community where my mother grew up. There are awesome recipes in there. Perhaps this was just not one of them? But I figured with this being a recipe from a woman who would probably have died rather than use “store-bought” pumpkin pie filling, it would be an authentic pumpkin recipe. However using real pumpkin made the filling too wet and runny and the result was that I cooked those little bastards for a full TWO HOURS before they were finally totally cooked through! In ten minute increments. Because I didn’t know how long it was going to take and I was NOT going to burn the damn pie crust! And then, thinking I would fix the problem with the third pie, I added about 84 cups of flour and cornstarch to the pie filling, hoping to thicken it up and make it cook faster. BIG FAIL. It cooked somewhat faster but the pie tasted like beige. Literally, it tasted like bland.  So the final pie was a wash. But at least the first two tasted all right. It was 11:00pm before I finished the whole ordeal. 

Oh and I also cleaned and roasted the pumpkin seeds because I like roasted pumpkin seeds and since I’m already making a mess, what’s a little MORE mess? Because nothing says Marthat Stewart like a kitchen that looks like a pack of feral monkeys with a food processor destroyed an entire pumpkin patch all over it!

Now I understand why some people sneak around at night and smash other people’s pumpkins. I am now convinced that it is not teenage vandals, but men and women driven to the hysteria after a bad culinary encounter with pumpkins, who lose it and lash out at the unsuspecting vegetables.

martha moments, the crazy | 6 Comments »

A friend recently introduced me to The Shape of a Mother, a website for women to share pictures of their bodies, the good, the bad and what many of us perceive as ugly.  Here is what the creator of the site says:

It is my dream, then, to create this website where women of all ages, shapes, sizes and nationalities can share images of their bodies so it will no longer be secret. So we can finally see what women really look like sans airbrushes and plastic surgery. I think it would be nothing short of amazing if a few of our hearts are healed, or if we begin to cherish our new bodies which have done so much for the human race. What if the next generation grows up knowing how normal our bodies are? How truly awesome would that be?

I have to say I was a bit skeptical at first. It felt a bit creepy, looking at these very intimate pictures. I didn’t know what value there would be in seeing other women’s bodies who, like me, were ravaged by childbearing. In my head I “knew” other women out there look like me. But in mere moments I was completely hooked. I spent half an hour straight just looking at pictures and reading the thoughts and feelings of the women who posted them and so closely identifying with many of them. The good and the bad. The shame and frustration of the weight gain, the stretch marks, the sagging and other side effect of childbearing. But also the joy and power in knowing the strength of my own body and seeing it work so effectively to create a new life. 

Most of all, this site is like media desensitization. Instead of coming away depressed, I felt something I rarely feel: normal.  Absolutely, totally, one hundred percent NORMAL.  I looked at my own body in the mirror and thought to myself “I have a normal body. I look like most of the bodies I saw today.  I have nothing to be ashamed of.” Though I believed those ideas in my head before visiting The Shape of a Mother, I now believe them in my heart.

I also came to appreciate more fully that almost every woman feels the same way about her postpartum body. Even the ones who I would personally deem attractive or thin or beautiful. No detail escapes our scrutiny. No change is unnoticed. None of us seem to be immune. How easy it is for each one of us to feel we are somehow different from everyone else and that we are the only one who experiences our feelings. The Shape of a Mother reminded me I am not alone and that there is a sisterhood of women who have the same struggles.

I know these issues apply to women who have not been pregnant, too, and I think it is just fabulous that someone is trying to remove the shroud of shame and embarrassment that so many of us feel about our bodies in an age when we are bombarded with images that look so different from what we see in the mirror. I hope you will check it out. Whenever I am feeling down on myself about the shape of my body, I know I’ll be going back to remind myself what normal really looks like.

baby, birth, in real life, media, mommy stuff | No Comments »

I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to those of you who donated money to help out this group of Filippino women I posted about on Blog Action Day.  If there are those of you who are still interested in participating, it’s not too late to do so. Email me for the information on where to send a cheque (in the USA or Canada) and I will send you the relevant info. Just a reminder that you will receive a charitable donation receipt for tax purposes and any money you donate will be going directly to helping grant the very simple wishes of these women who live in the shadow of poverty every day.  I truly appreciate your willingness to help. This is a picture of the women whose wishes I posted last week. The woman holding the picture frame in the bottom left is my friend Jessica who is the one that will be getting the money or supplies to the various women to make their dreams a reality.

making a difference, reach out | No Comments »

Oy. I have been meaning to write all week! But what with the very serious business of having coffee breaks and sitting around girl-talking and shopping…well, there just aren’t enough hours in the day! We have two years of face-to-face time to make up for!

Major moment of the week: My daughter told her auntie (my visiting best friend) that she KISSED A BOY IN HER CLASS!!!  I suspect this is the first of many moments when I lament that this is exactly the kind of thing you don’t tell your mom. And then I may have shed a tear or two. Because really? She’s chasing and kissing boys in he class? I was so NOT that kid. And she is so much like me that I expect her to be exactly like me. But she is that kid. So we had to have a talk about personal boundaries and the appropriate amount of contact between classmates. And NOT KISSING ANYMORE BOYS UNTIL SHE’S 45.  

More on this later. I’ll be back soon. Cheers!

Avery, parenting, random | No Comments »

This would be “The Ipod Edition” if it had been written yesterday. But since I’m running behind this week because I’ve been busying rocking it with my BFF and eating and touring and shopping and eating, it’s late. Also? This didn’t happen to me. It happened to my hubby. But I just couldn’t NOT write about it. 

******************************************************************

Can you imagine how disgusted you would be if, when riding your bike to work (because you are a ROCKSTAR!), you had to go rummaging through your backpack while stopped at a traffic light in order to find your asthma inhaler so you could avoid, you know, PASSING OUT?  What if, while pulling your backpack off, it started to come apart, but you failed to notice this? What if you saw the light about to change and quickly whipped the backpack around and over your shoulder, only to have the strap break? What if you saw your ipod go flying through the air in slow motion and fall to the ground in a lane of traffic? And get run over by a car. Twice.

I bet that would suck.  Not that it happened to me (or my husband). I’m just saying that if it did happen to you, you might want to write a letter to Apple to let them know that their Ipod Nano is one tough little bastard. Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’!

not that it happened to me | 3 Comments »

The following results are almost completely right. Except for the part about coming from an abusive/alcoholic family. And I think that as a parent I am actually quite good at saying “no” and setting boundaries. But all the stuff about what’s going on in my head? Yes. Pretty impressive for a two question quiz!

Your result for Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz…

You Are a Marilyn!

Take Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn? Or Someone Else? Mad Men-era Female Icon Quiz at HelloQuizzy

narcissism | No Comments »

This being our first Columbus Day (for Canadians, it was on Canadian Thanksgiving this year), we thought it best to celebrate as the locals do, by shelling out a mortgage payment’s worth of money for the most god-awful “souvenirs” ever created dutifully lining the streets of our small city to watch the annual Columbus Day parade.

It turns out that although Americans apparently are big fans of Columbus, their love does not extend to making Columbus Day a stat holiday. So the hubby had to work and I had the pleasure of taking the rugrats to the parade alone. I decided, on the advice of the neighbours, not to go into Boston for their parade as I wasn’t in the mood for crowds. The site of our local parade was not crowded. I easily found a parking spot just a block away and we settled down on the curb, prepared to be dazzled.

That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was not bringing my camera. Because this parade? Was sixteen kinds of awesome. I am still kicking myself because I am so disappointed not to have any photographic evidence of the tales I have to tell.  I fear the funny will be exponentially less so, without a visual. C’est la vie!

Without further ado, I bring you the first annual Living in the Gray Columbus Day Parade Awards!

Most Unbecoming Parade Attraction: A literal pack of some variety of politicians walking along the street in suits and ties, waving and shaking hands, handing out pamphlets and looking so clean-cut and yet greasy at the same time.

Organization Making Up More Than Half of a Parade: The Aleppo Shriners. They marched, they carried flags, they drove tiny cars and trucks and horse-drawn carriages. I’ve never seen so many goofy hats in one place before.

Float Most Likely to Cause Inappropriate Laughter: A tent-trailer pulled by a half tonne truck, fully extended, with the flaps pinned up and carrying a Shriner quintet singing old-timey hymns and looking suitably somber. And because the one mile parade route was so gruelling for the camper-sitting shriners, their microphones were wired in and hanging down from the ceiling to mouth-level. I’m not going to lie. I laughed right out loud.

Most Annoying Fellow Parade-Watchers: Three chain-smoking moms and their offspring who sat just upwind of us. Even worse, because they made a small crowd, the parade participants kept throwing candy in their direction and just missing my kids. Instead of behaving like grownups and encouraging their progeny to pass some of the candy along to the much younger kids sitting next to them, they scrambled to pick up and eat the candy THEMSELVES! Who the hell does that??? Thankfully the child sitting next to us was mature enough to share some of his good fortune with my kids.

Parade Participant Most Likely to Expire While Marching: A pitiful looking snare drummer who was approximately 128 years old and so hunched over from the weight of the drum and harness, that his knuckles were dragging on the ground. He looked so tired. I wanted to offer to switch places with him, except that I can’t play the drums. And I had doubts about his ability to manage two small kids while simultaneously NOT DYING.

Most Uncomfortable-Looking Costume: One of the marching bands had the traditional tall hats with feathers etc. Except. EXCEPT. The hats must have been designed for people with exceptionally small heads. Because the chin straps were only big enough to fit snugly under each band member’s nose. Seriously! I could not BELIEVE how uncomfortable they looked! I am not exaggerating even a little tiny bit. A nasty plastic strap cutting into your nostrils while trying to march in time and play the saxaphone? No thank you! The band members looked SO MISBERABLE. And who could blame them?

Most Unlikely Entertaining Act: There was a small pack of motorcyclists – I think about 6 of them – who were doing reeeeally slow figure eights where they would criss cross each other’s paths. That was the extent of their stunts. It was totally not what you would call a gripping show. And yet? I was fascinated. On the edge of my seat. Anticipating each figure eight with baited breath. I don’t know what got into me.  

Parade Participants Most Likely to Become the Target of the Local Sniper: The *&^%&$#@% Vendors with big-ass carts full of cheap plastic garbage to hypnotize my kids.  They started peddling their wares on the street before we got there and continued to do so DURING THE PARADE!  This would be less of a big deal if they hadn’t been walking on the street, thus getting between the viewers sitting on the sidewalks and the floats and marching bands on the street. So every 15 seconds, while we were craning our necks to try and see around another stupid cart, we’d hear “Do you kids need something? What can I get you?”.  I almost wished I’d brought money to buy a piece of crap to keep them moving along as they always walked more slowly past the people who weren’t holding five pounds of inflatable hammers and trumpet whistles that could make the ears of a deaf person bleed. Plus, they blocked the candy-throwers! Sacrilege!

America, Columbus Day, funny | 2 Comments »

In what some would call a providential occurrence, it so happens that today, the day on which I had planned this very post, is also Blog Action Day! It is so encouraging to see people using their blogs to speak up about important issues and to make a difference in the world because of this internet-community.

I have a friend from college who works with her husband in the Philippines. They have both done some teaching there (he still does, she is currently busy taking care of their new baby) and Jessica works with many local women doing a variety of activities, both religious and practical in nature.  Jessica recently contacted me and some other people regarding a group of twelve different women who she sees regularly and for whom she would like to grant some “wishes” as a way of showing them that people around the world care for their well-being.

I have never used this blog to ask for money before. And I don’t intend to do it frequently.  But this time I had to ask.  These dreams demand to be acknowledged and that’s what I hope to do by sharing some of them here:

“…my third wish is water: I would like water [installed in my home] because I have no money to buy water to my neighborhood. 1 peso for each bucket. but it is heavy but I cannot afford to install water” [cost to make this dream come true: $80]

“my third wish is for Restroom…everytime I feel to go to rest room I  have to go to my sister-in-law’s house, but her house is far from my house. I cannot make a temporary [restroom] by my home because we live by the river and the ground erodes so it is not save. For the [restroom] I need a hollow block and 6 pieces of cement; 300 pieces hollow block; 10 pieces round bar; 1 toilet bowl; 2 cubics sand and gravel mix; 3 pieces for wall” [cost to make this dream come true: $140]

“…[I wish] for a foam mattress to sleep on.” [cost to make this dream come true: $30]

“A bicycle. My wish is for my son to go to school at high school because sometimes he is absent because we don’t have money to pay the fare for him to get to school…” [cost to make this dream come true: $50]

“A gas range… I wish because I always cook with firewood three times a day.” [cost to make this dream come true: $80]

“Here is my wish: The roof of our home.” [cost to make this dream come true: $80]

“My wish is to have a permanent home for my family. A home for my three children together with my husband….We don’t have a permanent house to stay and we don’t have enough money to build a home just because we can’t afford yet to attempt all the materials for needs, and also my husband only working at all to support our daily needs…” [cost to make this dream come true: $1-2000]

“I wish…a floor for my house, because there are holes and sometimes the bamboo breaks when we walk on it.” [cost to make this dream come true: $50]

“I wish for…one sack rice. Even for us 1 kilo is expensive and we have to buy rice every day. It is hard to buy when there is not stable work for my husband.” [cost to make this dream come true: $35]

“My second wish is washing machine because sometimes I feel so tired to wash my clothes but if we have a washing [machine] for my family I don’t have to wash it.” [cost to make this dream come true: $100]

There you have it, people. Their biggest wishes are so simple. Food, clean and accessible water, a roof overhead and walls to shelter them. Almost every one of these twelve women asked for money to make repairs to their homes and/or roofs and some small things that would make their lives easier like furniture or a washing machine or the money to start a small business or raise animals to sell.

It’s not often that you hear the voice of poverty right from the lips of those who live it each and every day. So today, I’m asking you to hear it.  

I know everyone has their own causes and I’m sure you all support your different charities so there is no judgment if you choose not to do this. But for those who might be looking for an opportunity to make a real difference to a real person, to hear their need and say “I can fix this one thing for someone”, here is your chance.

Donations for this project will be made through an organization called Wycliffe Bible Translators. Now, I know not everyone agrees with or believes in religious organizations. But I can personally guarantee that any money you donate will go directly to one of twelve women in order to fulfill their most basic needs and to lift the burden of poverty from their shoulders.  You will get a charitable donation receipt for your donation and you can send a cheque to either the Canadian or American branches of Wycliffe. 

This is not about ideology or theology. This is about real women suffering because of a lack of money.  This is not about who is right and who is wrong. This is about being a citizen in a global community where no one deserves to live without enough food or a proper shelter over their heads.  This is about making a difference in the life of a fellow human being and I am inviting you to participate with me.

If you would like to give some money to one of these very deserving Filippino women please email me at Shannon@livinginthegray.com and I can email you directions on where to send your cheque and what other information needs to be included in order for the donation to get to the right person. The gifts are meant to be given to the women on November 19, so the sooner the cheques are sent in, the better. If you have questions for me, or for Jessica, who will be in charge of getting the money to the women, please don’t hesitate to ask (you can contact me for Jessica’s email or go straight to her blog).

Poverty is real. Today you heard (ok, read) it’s voice. Let’s use this blog thing we do to do more today.

in real life, life and death, making a difference, reach out, spirituality, the good stuff | 3 Comments »

Many of you asked me to post a picture of Avery’s peanut butter survey that I wrote about the other day so here it is. I expect you are a bit disappointed as you may have been expecting a tidy sheet with columns and neat rows of legible printing. Well, she’s only 5 people! But you can see that she wrote out the names in pen and then the pencil check marks are next to the names of those kids who said they liked peanut butter. In case you need some interpretation of the “information” I am providing the translation below:

Duoo Lik Penat Batr (Do you like peanut butter?)

Niklis (Nicholas) Reena (Reena) Jack (Jack)

Cial (Kyle) Cia (Kya) Iay (Alyia)

Yasmin (Yasmin) Jiaoleeana (Juliana)

Romee (Romy) Sbastin (Sebastian)

Kasee (Kasey) David (David)

Alasin (Allison) Louias (Louis)

Alasoja (Alessandra)

It turns out I was wrong about her remembering 18 names. There are 20 kids in Avery’s class, if you don’t count Avery. So either she was mistaken when she told me she only missed 3 kids and she actually missed 5. Or Perhaps 2 of the kids she missed were absent that day in which case she was right that she only missed 3 of the 18 kids who were in school.

Avery, quirky kids | 8 Comments »