You know what might suck? If your family took a lovely walk to The Frog Pond at the Boston Commons because it was too beautiful of a day to spend indoors (that’s not the sucky part). And when you arrived at the pool your daughter tore off her clothes, slapped on her bathing suit and hurried off to refresh herself in the water, slowly making her way to the centre of the pool. And as she was doing so an angry sounding man came on over the loudspeaker saying:

“YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE. THERE IS NO RUNNING AT THE FROG POND. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RUN. WE HAVE SNIPERS HIDDEN IN THE TREES TO SHOOT DOWN THOSE WHO WILFULLY DISOBEY THE RULES.  RUNNING IS NOT ALLOWED. I REPEAT, NO RUNNING ALLOWED.”

And IMMEDIATELY following this announcement, the fountain in the middle of the pool, located mere inches from where your child is standing, is set off like a f*cking geyser and scares the girl-child out of a year’s growth and before you can say “Old Faithful” she sprints across the water like the hordes of Satan himself are after her, until she slips on the concrete while leaping out of the water and nearly cracks her skull open on the edge. And everyone looks at you like you’re just the kind of parent that make that kind of announcement NECESSARY.

But seriously? If they tell a veritable swarm of young children not to run, which we all know is contrary to the law of nature, the very least they could do is give kids a few seconds warning before letting Old Faithful scare the living shit out of them! 

What else might suck? If your conscientious and generally rule-abiding daughter is attempting to keep your mischievous and generally authority-bucking son from playing with a water hose at the pool. And if she noticed the life-guard making his way over to ask your son not to play with said hose and freaked the eff out and started screaming “I DON’T WANT THE WATER-GUARD TO GET MY BROTHER IN TROOOOOOOUBLE!!!!” and was shaking and terrified like she thought the “Water- guard” was going to cleave off her brother’s head and skewer it on a stake by the side of the pool as an example to other toddlers of what happens when you flaunt the rules. Because apparently the frequent “NO RUNNING” announcement over the loudspeaker had instilled THE FEAR OF GOD in her.

And everyone looks at you again like you are those parents while you reassure your daughter that the lifeguard does not drink the blood of disobedient two year olds.

Not that it happened to me. I’m just sayin’. It might suck.