letters of the week

Dear Goddamn Bank of America and TD Banknorth,

Canada is not some kind of alien planet or even a third world country. It is the country with whom your fair nation is most closely connected physically, politically and financially. There is NO REASON that we should have so much trouble transferring funds from our Canadian bank accounts to our new American accounts. Especially when there is a branch manager in Canada who is more than ready and willing to speak with you on the phone or fax you a GODDAMN GUARANTEE that the funds are legitimate.  What the hell else do you need to verify???  Do you know how long eight weeks are? The whole gestation period of a cat.  Fifty-six rotations of the earth on it’s axis. Also?Enough time to plot the downfall of two American banks.  

Another thing.  Telling a customer that his social security number is invalid DESPITE his clear documentation proving that you are mistaken is great way to ensure NO CUSTOMER LOYALTY WHATSOEVER. If the RMV was able to verify it without any problem,  what the hell is wrong with your system?

With no love and much animosity,
A new and livid customer

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Dear Soon-To-Be New and Very Understanding Landlords,
I SWEAR on everything sacred that we are not deadbeats. Please don’t give away our new and oh-so-beautiful new home on the beach (yes, on THE BEACH) to someone else.  We are doing everything possible to get you the first and last month’s rent in a timely manner.  
With fear and trembling and love and kisses and whatever it takes to make you happy,
Your New Tenants 

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Dear Blue Cross,

Requiring a new member to have a prescription for medical supplies without providing the means for him or her to AQUIRE said prescription is messed up. The fact that you are willing to pay for me to visit the emergency room in order to obtain said prescription is only proof of your extreme messed-upness.  And I have to say that the fact that you are sending me to abuse the emergency room to obtain an unnecessary prescription while toting my two small children along is not winning you any favours in my book.

The fact that you don’t give a damn about winning my favour is making me even more pissed off.

Yours in frustrated and angry tears,
Member #AKA***151*** 

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Dear Allied Van Lines,
A ten day window in which to deliver our belongings is unacceptable. How the hell are we supposed to secure a place to live in the mean time? We have to give 30 days notice in our current place so either we end up paying an extremely high amount of rent for up to ten days that we may end up not using or we live in a house with no furniture until you find your way to our door. What kind of choice is that?  
And that “there’s nothing we can do about it – it’s out of our hands – we’re just big old sissy victims” attitude is not gaining you sympathy points. It’s just pissing us off more than the poor handling of our belongings and the half-assed attitude of your workers when they loaded the van two months ago. Thought we’d forgotten that, didn’t ya? FAT CHANCE.
Not recommending you to our friends,
The people whose belongings you are holding hostage

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Dear Loyal Blog Readers,

I apologize for the copious amounts of whining and bitching lately. Please hang in there. I hope the situation will improve soon.  I appreciate you coming by and reading what I write, despite it’s very gloomy and Eeyore-esque negativity.

With love and adoration,
Shannon

5 Comments »

5 Responses

  1. J.B. Says:
    July 30th, 2008 at 1:57 am

    Hi Whiney,

    Okay, I noticed the other day you had not changed your reading list in like forever, and then today you added a new book. So are you like perpetually half way through all those other books? If so, tsk, tsk. All us other moms promptly polish off at least one book a week. And, if it’s a good week, one non-fiction and one fiction.

  2. shannon Says:
    July 30th, 2008 at 6:48 am

    Actually it’s a program where I put the last half dozen or so books I’ve read/am currently reading/plan to be reading and it cycles them every time you come to the site so they are just in a different order. You’re right. I haven’t changed them in a while. I should do that.

  3. J.B. Says:
    July 30th, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Oh. I was just hoping there was someone else out there like myself that has at least one shelf-full of books that are half-read.

  4. Elle Says:
    July 31st, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    I love your letters. They are such a creative way of letting us know what you’re up to!

  5. shannon Says:
    July 31st, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    That’s kind of you to say about my bitching. :)

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