Today we did something we’d been planning to check out since the beginning of March, we went on a sugarbush tour. I guess it’s a really common thing to do around here, at least for people with kids. There are probably half a dozen different places to go within two hours of our house. We went to this one.
It was moderately interesting for me since I have never been to anything like this. But the informative parts of the tour added up to about 30 seconds. The rest was all mud and baby animals and maple sugar-based products. We consumed syrup and petted the animals and that was pretty much that.
Bet you can’t guess what was the kids favorite part?
A scenic ride with horses through the Sugar Maples? Nope.
Did you guess the candy? Because that would seem like a really logical guess, wouldn’t it? But you would be dead wrong, once again. Because for my kids, and many others on the tour, the highlight of the entire $6.00 tour was this…
Yes. The horsepoop. What captivated the minds of all the children on our particular wagon was simple excrement. In the picture on the right you can see my daughter (left) along with two other girls peering over the side of the wagon. Not to look at the sap buckets on the trees where the parents were trying to direct their attention. Rather, they are relishing the fresh load of crap the horses dropped as we were traveling and shouting “LOOK! POOP! MOMMY! THE HORSES POOOOOOOPED!!!! THERE’S SOME MORE!!!”
There you have it, folks. The cost of a day at the Sugarbush? Six dollars. The delight of children? Horseshit Priceless!
“NUK!” (egg, candy, an indeterminate word to describe random objects, displeasure and general annoyance)
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I just read this post over at Parent Dish about a study which concluded that parents argue with their toddlers an average of 20 times per hour. TWENTY. TIMES. PER. HOUR. The author of the post notes that the study purposely placed the parents/toddlers in situations which would inevitably cause conflict and so the results may be somewhat skewed.
However (knew there would be one of those, didn’t you?), let’s just talk about this for a minute. Because although twenty disagreements per hour seems high, I wouldn’t put five out of the realm of reality. In fact, I might say five disagreements per waking hour would be on the low side of average in my life which includes a just less than two year old with a four year old sister who is often antagonizing him/being antagonized by him. Do the math people. Five conflicts per waking hour times approximately ten waking hours (not including the arguments about going down for a nap) equals FIFTY CONFLICTS PER DAY!
Can you imagine sharing an office with a co-worker that you have a conflict with five times per hour??? Where everything you do for them is met with outbursts of anger or physical violence? Someone who simply cannot agree to disagree and who believes that you alone are responsible for his or her happiness? Someone who is frequently contrary and cranky, soils him/herself and constantly makes unreasonable and thoughtless demands on your time and unrealistic physical demands of your person?
Welcome to my life. And people, I’m telling you, my kids are generally pretty happy, and fairly agreeable. Some people have much more challenging children than I. And we’re only talking five conflicts PER CHILD per hour. I have two kids. Some people have a lot more than that! But even at a measly fifty (or one hundred if you count both my kids) conflicts per day, is it any wonder that I’m tired??? Should it surprise anyone that I occasionally snarl at my husband (or if my head starts spinning and lasers shoot out of my eyes)? I think, when you look at the amount of negativity in my life, it really isn’t that shocking.
So if you’re a mommy (or daddy) out there who is home with the kids most days, you shouldn’t feel guilty if, at the end of most nights, you want to pour yourself a stiff drink (or five) with a healthy helping of tranquilizers on the side.
I recently watched the documentary called For the Bible Tells Me So on the hearty recommendation of Becky at grrrl meets world. It’s a discussion of homosexuality and the way the issue has been treated by religious people. More specifically, it is about existing groups of religious people who believe that religious people need to have a serious shift in attitude towards homosexuality based on an educated, contextually critical and intelligent reading of the Bible and a better understanding of what science tells us about it.
The film follows several religious individuals and their struggles with being gay or lesbian, coming out to their family and the subsequent acceptance or rejection that took place. Some of the stories are sad. Some are inspiring. I have come away feeling better educated, and wishing there was some way to wipe clean the Christian church’s mistreatment of the issue and the people in the midst of it.
If you are in any way religious (and even if you aren’t) you should definitely see this film. I can’t stress enough how very informative and enlightening it is. And even if you believe you won’t agree with it, I still think you should watch it. For the facts it contains about homosexuality and the facts it contains about the church. You may be surprised. Check out the trailer:
In a way it was freeing for me. Because some of us have felt for a long time that homosexuality is not ruining the family as we know it, or causing the moral decay of our society or any of the other nonsense that a large percentage of the Christian right spouts. But, to our shame, we aren’t always brave enough to say it.
There are many real people sharing their stories and relating a lot of important information. The information on suicide by GLBT teens is shocking (thee to seven times more likely to commit suicide) and the extreme rejection by religious people is so very sad, to me.
I have a lot of favourite quotes from the film (some of the very well known and wonderful people interviewed include Bishop Gene Robinson, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Reverend Peter Gomes, Rabbi Steven Greenberg and Reverend Jimmy Creech) and I couldn’t write this post without sharing a few of them.
The consequence of homophobia is to stereotype gay people and then to define them in negative ways and once we do that we’re able to treat them negatively and brutally. Fear does terrible things to a society.
When people are afraid they have to find scapegoats. And then they want to get rid of those people who are the bad guys.
There’s someting about human nature to always look for an outsider.
The thing that frightens men about homosexuality is that they think about a man allowing himself to be treated like a woman and there is nothing worse, nothing so flying in the face of patriarchy than for a “privileged man”, privileged by being male, rather than female, to be treated like a female.
It is the hatred of women that is the fuel of this whole thing…when the coach wants to humiliate his team, he calls them a bunch of girls. Why does that work? Because the worst thing you can do to a man is call him a woman. Men who are not men in whatever way the patriarchy wants us to be, threaten masculine power, and it’s too much to bare.
We have very peversely used difference to justify cruelty of the most vicious sort. I equate homophobia to the injustice of apartheid, and that is all contrary to the heart of our lord and saviour Jesus Christ.
I can’t for the life of me imagine that God would say I’m going to punish you because you are black. You should have been white. I will punish you because you are a woman. You should have been a man. I punish you because you are homosexual. You ought to have been heterosexual. I can’t for the life of me believe that that is how God sees things.
If you grew up within a Christian community I can almost guarantee that much of this is shocking to you. I think religious people need to ask themselves some hard questions.
What are we afraid of? Are we really still so prejudiced against women that the perception of a man being treated like a woman causes so much fear? Do we so desperately need someone to be a scapegoat? Are we so very fearful? Why are we so afraid to admit that homosexuality is not a choice? (This film quite tidily puts the “choice” argument to rest.)
What are we really afraid of? This is what I have not been able to figure out. Ok, so I babbled on for quite a while. Bottom line? MUST WATCH.
Well today was surgery day! I almost can’t believe we made it this far. Partly because it was so easy and non-traumatic that it’s so very forgettable.
If I learned one thing today, it’s this: When given the opportunity to make a parent look foolish, offspring will ALWAYS rise to the occasion.
I swore Kieran would be cranky because he wasn’t allowed to eat or drink until after the surgery. But he was happy as a clam, exploring the hospital and charming the nurses with his little dimples.
I thought he’d wail when the nurses took him into the operating room. They told me he was calm and quiet. Cool as a cucumber Mom. Take yer lies and shove ‘em.Â
I thought he’d hate the ear plugs we now need to use for bath time. Nope! Just peachy, thanks!
I thought he’d freak out when I put ear drops in his ears at bedtime. No problem, Mom!
Dear World,
My Mom is a liar.
Regards,
Kieran
The one thing I was right about today? He still doesn’t like any food that’s not easter candy. He could sit with an unchewed bite of food in his mouth while wailing for hours instead of just swallowing it and getting on with life.
The kids were both completely thrilled this morning to hunt for Easter treats. Avery is old enough to anticipate the sugar buzz excitement. Kieran just about wet himself with the thrill of finding candy JUST LAYING AROUND! He started shoveling chocolate easter eggs in his mouth before someone put an end to this dream come true. We had to convince him that he didn’t have to eat each candy as he found it.
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Unfortunately, all the chocolate in the world isn’t enough to compensate for the indignity of having a plastic urine-sample collection bag stuck to his manly parts for nap time this afternoon. Yes, that’s right, I have to bring a urine sample (not mine, the one year old’s) for surgery day, tomorrow. Awe. some.
Luckily, his sister is still there to comfort him, despite his recent humiliation.
I’ve been watching old episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (yeah, I’m behind behind the times, but it’s kind of fun to laugh at the clothes that were cool in the late 90’s). Came across this gem of a quote the other day:
Cordellia: So, does looking at guns really make girls want to have sex? That’s scary.
Xander: (Distracted) Yeah, I guess…
Cordellia: Well, does looking at guns make you want to have sex?
Xander: I’m 17. Looking at linoleum makes me want to have sex.
11. An almost 2 year old who goes an entire day without a nap will sleep 15 (!!!) hours the following night, wake up for 3 hours and then take a two hour nap and go to bed at his usual time! While missing the nap wasn’t exactly fun, it was pretty sweet to have him unconscious for so long then next night/day!
1. It’s becoming increasingly obvious that I am a prairie girl as the mildly curvy highway we were driving on into Toronto gave me the first real bout of carsickness I’ve had in a long time. But seriously, it’s a little embarrassing that a little stretch of highway that looks like this could make me feel so crappy. But I suppose the trip I’ve taken most often in the past ten years is this one and it is a lot straighter. Apparently my delicate flatlander constitution can’t handle anything but the most gentle of curves.
[Edit: I accidentally had the links mixed up. They are fixed now. Let it be known that my most frequent trip has not been down the twisty moderately curvy highway 403, but rather the basically straight highway 11 from Saskatoon to Regina.]
2. Gas in Toronto is free. No wonder so many people live there!
3. Matching skills? Not so much.
4. There a lot of parents out there who don’t have a clue how to control their kids. I’m not saying all kids should be little zombies and behave perfectly all the time. But when your kid skips in line in front of 6 other kids waiting in line to try out a toy (a spinning thingy in this case) and you say “Oh little Johnny! It’s not your turn sweetie!” and then let him continue to ride for, oh, five minutes you are clearly not the one in charge. It IS ok to physically remove your child if necessary instead of shrug your shoulders helplessly and let him continue to ride. Also, when other kids are riding take your obnoxious kid away instead of letting him try to “help” my kid who just wants him to leave her alone.
5. The flip side of that is…when your kids are waiting in line and another kid (which may or may not be mine) accidentally skips ahead of your precious darling, who is standing there with her eyes glazed over for an unreasonably long time rather than going ahead and taking her turn, you have no right to start barking at my child and other children. While it is ok to pleasantly say “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s little Jenny’s turn right now! The line is right here if you want to get in it.” it is definitely not ok to roar like a freakin’ Mama Bear. There are about 87 gazillion kids at the Science Center today and there simply isn’t time for dawdling.
6. I need to start saving empty cereal boxes and bottle of juice. There “grocery store” part of the kids section in the science center was probably the single most popular exhibit. The kids adored picking out food to “buy” and trying out the cash register. It is so simple, there’s no reason not to do it. When I have a little more space, that is.
7. These things are not only disturbing to watch, but when you watch EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. stick their face and/or hands in it, you are amazed that our entire civilization has not perished from a supervirus plague of death that is most definitely brewing in between the little pegs.
7. If your son is having surgery in two days (hypothetically speaking, of course) and your doctor advised you to avoid crowds and people who might be sick (really, this is all theoretical), it may be wise to stay away from the science center (see number 6). Especially on a long weekend. If you are of lower-than-average intelligence and imagined it might not be too bad because “doesn’t everyone go away for Easter?” and went anyway, it is best to stock up on a big-ass bottle of antibacterial handwash for the occasion. Try to avoid the temptation to make your kids take a swig right from the bottle.
8. When there are signs saying “CASH ONLY” at the entrance to the parking lot what they really mean is cash and debit card. Only. Do not send your husband away to find an ATM.
9. This thing is super cool. It’s the image of a pond with fish swimming around in it which is projected onto the ground. You can see the stones at the bottom of the pond and the fish are moving. But when kids walk through the “pond” the water ripples and the fish swim behave as though there are real feet coming towards them! The picture doesn’t do it justice, but trust me, it was cool.
10. The $47 we paid for admission to the science center was unnecessary as my kids were just as happy to sit on the boat ride outside the restaurant where we ate dinner. We didn’t have to put money in or anything.
Phone message left by me on the landlord’s cell phone:
Me:Â Umm…Hi landlord. It’s me again!
Just wanted to let you know that water is leaking through the roof into my kid’s bedroom. It’s not like The Flood or anything. But definitely water. And definitely coming through the roof. I hope the ceiling doesn’t fall on my kids while they’re sleeping or anything. They’re big fans of mold, anyway. Let me know what you plan do do about it.Â
My number is XXX-XXXX. Thanks. Bye.Â
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Silence ensues…for about TEN DAYS. Thank GOD the water stopped dripping when the temperature went down.
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Today we receive the following email:
Dear Tenants,
I just got your message about the leak. You left it on my WORK PHONE which I haven’t carried for THE PAST THREE MONTHS. Did I forget to tell you? Gawd.Â
Since I am really busy not taking care of your living quarters, could you take pictures (!!!!) of the leak in the ceiling so I can see what it looks like to live in a shithole a picture of how you are suffering. Kthx.Â
In the future can you please call me at home, XXX-XXXX or on my wife’s cell, XXX-XXXX (which I never responded to when you left messages on before and acted like I didn’t even know about this line). If I’d known I would actually have to communicate with my tenants I might have given you these numbers in the first place. Oops. My bad!
With disinterest,
The Landlord
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Me to the husband: I forget. Are we supposed to be concerned or glad that the landlord doesn’t have a key to our suite?Â
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I’m totally going to find pictures from a house hit by Hurricane Katrina and email those to the landlord. Seriously, who asks their tenants to take and send pictures of the damage to their property rather than hauling their lazy ass over to take a look at it???
Just wanted to share a couple of the books my kids are loving right now. I bought How Do Dinosaurs Say Good Night? before I even had kids because I picked it up one day in a bookstore and couldn’t leave without it. The story is cute and I think the illustrations are just completely fabulous! The expressions on the dinosaurs faces look exactly like a kid’s face in the same situation. Each book is a gentle reminder about good behaviour, playing nicely and polite manners and my kids love them. We own a few and have borrowed the others from the library and we can’t get enough of them.
Another favourite right now is Hippos Go Berserk by Sandra Boynton. Boynton’s books have become pretty popular over the past few years. I’ve loved them since we first picked them up when my daughter was brand new and we own a lot of them. Kids and adults alike will enjoy the quirky sense of humour and fun rhymes. Hippos Go Berserk is a counting book about a spontaneous hippo party. Who doesn’t love a hippo party???
The other book that my one year old can’t get enough of is the classic Dr. Suess Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb. It gets a bit repetitive but there’s no denying it has a certain charm and my kids love it like their father did when he was their age. I had never even heard of this one until I had my kids but now I can’t imagine our library without it.
One of Avery’s most often requested books is A Bad Case of Stripes by David Shannon who is also the illustrator. I can’t resist a book with both a great story and wonderful pictures and this book delivers both. The themes are all about self-confidence and accepting differences. It’s all about Camilla Cream who wakes up one morning covered in stripes. The situation only gets worse as it soon becomes apparent that her appearance changes with the comments and suggestions of others until she is covered with feathers and crystals and roots and tails and more. It is a fun read with a great moral.
[Edit: Guess I should pay attention to details, particularly when they are right on the cover of the book. Hand, Hand, Fingers, Thumb is written by Al Perkins!
Well today was surgery day! I almost can’t believe we made it this far. Partly because it was so easy and non-traumatic that it’s so very forgettable.
 
Just wanted to share a couple of the books my kids are loving right now. I bought 
Another favourite right now is 
