Swistle just did an awesome post which listed things that she didn’t say on various occasions and to various people. No explanations are necessary. No reasons are given. It can include things you wish you had said or things you thank Baby Jesus that you didn’t say. I think it’s an awesome idea. So I am jumping on board because imitation is an excuse to be a joiner  another reason to indulge my lemming tendencies the sincerest form of flattery.

1. I don’t regret standing up to you. But I wish I could have said something that would have made me look less dumb and might actually have gotten through to you. You were really intimidating and I still think it is really weak that you needed to get your jollies by intimidating little girls. I was terrified, but I held my ground and I am proud of that.

2. You were a lousy excuse for a teacher and you humiliated me that day simply because you were having a bad day. It was uncalled for and, if nothing else, my excellent record as a respectful and attentive student should have been reason enough for you to restrain yourself.

3. I’m really, really sorry we were so mean to you. There’s simply no excuse for it and I regret it.

4. You are creepy beyond description and it is because of this that your students ignore all of your advice which may or may not have been valid. The fact that you reject our shared heritage makes me angry.

5. Where do you get off being so self-righteous? You have the ability to make me feel really smart and really dumb at the same time. I feel really stupid for letting you use and then discard my friendship to build yourself up. But most of all, I feel sorry for you.

6. I like you, the whole group of you, but you are so busy being fake that it’s impossible to really get to know you. Stop pretending that everything you claim to believe isn’t motivated by fear! Stop pretending you believe this crap you’re spouting! It’s obvious you don’t.

7. I could really use a mentor and I would love it if you could find the time to have coffee with me on a regular basis. I think you are a truly spectacular mother and I want to learn to be as good a parent as you and your husband.

8. I seriously think you have some form of bi-polar disorder. I hope you see someone for help soon. I thought we were going to be friends but now I can see that you are simply unable to understand anything anyone says on a normal wavelength. I wish there was some way I could help you but obviously you aren’t ready for help, and I’m not the right person to give it.

9. You are inspiring. Also, I’m sorry that I wasn’t brave enough to give a toast.

10. There was dishsoap in the biscuits that you ate and praised in front of the class. Quite a lot of dishsoap, actually.