If you’ve never listened to any music by The Arrogant Worms, it’s time you did. They write a lot of funny songs but here is one I heard for the first time just recently:

Billy solves his problems by calling up his Mom
Heather solves her problems with drugs and alcohol
Daniel solves his problems with a doctor and the law
But Malcom’s got his own way and it’s better than them all

‘Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
‘Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
‘Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
and he never has the same problem twice

Whether it’s a bill or a cheque arriving late
Rancid marble cheese or a steak that’s second rate
Awful TV programs or a broken Elvis plate
Or his fiancee who dumps him because he’s gaining weight

‘Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
‘Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
‘Cause Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw
and he never has the same problem twice

vruum vruum (with accompanied screaming)
Problem solved.

If only life were so uncomplicated.