Today is my husband’s favourite day of the week. No, not Wednesday. It’s the day when I call him and say “Oh. My. God. I’m going to murder the children.” Some days he is sympathetic and tries to help me cope without spazzing out. Other days he recognizes the futility of that course of action and just says “Don’t get any blood on the carpet.” I think today is one of the latter. Because I am on more ear shattering scream away from stabbing a knitting needle through my head. Not that I own a knitting needle. But you get the picture.
Kieran has a cold and is getting teeth of all shapes and sizes and is just generally miserable and the wailing, it never stops. Ever. He is having trouble sleeping and wants to be held and not held at the same time and is just grumpy as hell. Being the good mother that I am, I have been exceedingly patient equally cranky.
Avery is either going through what I like to call “a phase” (in order to have to avoid accepting the fact that whatever annoying thing she is currently doing is a result of bad parenting or a flaw in her personality). One of her current “quirks” includes random yelling, just because she likes the sound of her voice and why shouldn’t everyone around her be treated to the pleasure of hearing it at its full volume? Also, I am getting a lot of whining. A. Lot. Of. Whining. I can’t help but feel that this is somehow karma’s way of biting me in the ass but people? It is getting to me. And the constant demanding. And the ensuing whining when the demands aren’t met.
You might think that the kids would be more cheerful after a nice nap. But you would be so very, very wrong. Besides, Kieran is only napping long enough to save up enough energy for more hours of screaming (which is about 10 minutes, if you were wondering). Any sleep that happens after that point only happens when I am rocking him.
Let me give you an illustration of what kind of day it’s been. I half made a pan of rice krispie square earlier today. Why half? Because after I got all the marshmallows melted and everything else ready I pulled out the cereal…oh no, wait, I didn’t. Because I didn’t HAVE any rice krispies. Who would think that you need them for a recipe entitled RICE KRISPIE SQUARES anyway???
And have I mentioned that our dryer isn’t working? And after our landlord came to check that it was, indeed, not working, he has since been unreachable. So we’ve had no dryer for a week and don’t know how long we will be without said dryer. Today I am borrowing the neighbour’s clothesline to dry a couple of loads because we are starting to get desperate. But the fact that my landlord has not returned a single one of the 87 messages we’ve left in the past seven days is really pissing me off. I don’t mind waiting when I know that something is being done. I do mind when I suspect that the person who is supposed to be making sure my living quarters are in good repair is screening their calls and sipping on margaritas on their patio.
On the upside no dryer means no lint. This is a good thing because we recently realized that the treasure who lives downstairs has been using the garbage can (which is used almost exclusively to collect lint from the dryer) as a place to drop her extinguished cigarettes!
I know!
That’s what I said!
Apparently no one has informed her that dryer lint is possibly the most flammable substance on the face of the planet. But then, we’ve already noticed that she’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Listen, I know it will get better. Tomorrow they will probably be much more tolerable. But today? Oh. My. God. I’m going to murder the children.
PS – That title is a direct quote from a Russell Peters sketch which, if you haven’t seen, you must go watch. Immediately. I’m not joking. Go. Hi-freaking-larious!