Yesterday, in a grand effort to get out of the house, I threw the kids in the car and headed for the nearest McDonalds playland. On the way I remembered that we were almost out of diapers so I decided to stop at the grocery store across from the McDonalds first and pick some up. As we pulled up, I’m weighing the massive hassle involved in getting both kids out of their car seats and into a shopping cart to run in and pick up one item against the guilt I feel when I leave them in the car. I try not to leave them alone in the car regularly, but sometimes it’s the easiest option and if I can see them, for example, when I go in to the ATM machine in my bank, it seems silly to go through the rigamarole of getting them out. So I swallowed my guilt, parked between two minivans for some shade, cracked both of the back windows open an inch or two so that some fresh air could get in, locked the car and ran in to pick up the diapers.

I was gone for about 3 minutes. I’m not exaggerating. For the sake of absolute honesty and vulnerability I swear to God I was not gone more than 3 minutes.

As I came out of the store and walked towards my car I noticed that there is a large, tall, middle-aged woman and a couple of teenagers/young 20-somethings standing around the car parked in front of me. I assumed they were putting their groceries in their car. As I walked closer they appeared to be staring at me quite intently and I thought Man, I hope these people didn’t back into my car or something as they were trying to drive away! But as I walked up to my car the woman asks icily “Are these your children?”

I told her they were and she responds with frosty indignation “Well the police are on their way!” I was absolutely stunned. I could tell immediately that this woman felt completely superior and self-righteous. I didn’t even know what to say.

“Excuse me?” I said.

“The police are on their way. How dare you leave your kids in the car in this heat!” she blasts.

“I was only in the store for 2 minutes!”

“I don’t care how long you were in there!”

What proceeded was the woman telling me what a terrible person/mother I am and how I am basically abusing my children by leaving them in the car. I got defensive pretty quickly, after all, she was being EXTREMELY aggressive and inflamatory. I asked her what gave her the right to judge me when she didn’t even know me. She told me she had the right if I was being an idiot. I said I haven’t done anything wrong and she told me that I shouldn’t have any problem waiting for the police then. She continued to berate me. I asked her if she even had children to which she responded that she did have kids and she has three dogs who she wouldn’t even leave in the car in this weather.

I was getting really upset and the woman simply would not lay off. I did consider staying around and waiting for the police. I hadn’t done anything illegal and I hadn’t put my children in danger. I felt what I had done was reasonable and that they would quickly see that I was a good parent who hadn’t been irresponsible. This woman’s vehicle had been parked there when I arrived so at the very most she had come out of the store just as I went in and had been standing there for all of two minutes before she decided to call the police. But she would not let up attacking me verbally and so I said “I haven’t done anything wrong and I don’t have to listen to this. I’m leaving.” She, of course told me that the police had my license plate and I said “That’s fine”. As I pulled away she screamed “Go ahead! You’re leaving because you’re a COWARD!!!” She continued to yell until I drove away.

I was completely shocked. I have never had an experience like this before. Being blindly judged by someone who was clearly being irrational. I drove a kilometer or two and pulled over and burst into tears. I called my husband and told him the story and asked “Did I do anything wrong? I swear I was only gone for 3 minutes. Are the police going to be out looking for me? I haven’t done anything illegal. They can’t come after me, can they? Should I have stayed?”

He reassured me that I had done exactly what I should. That the police would likely take a long time to get there, if they even came at all and that the woman had been completely unreasonable. I left the parking lot that I had pulled over in and took my kids to McDonalds, albeit, a different location than the one across the street from the grocery store. I didn’t want to chance this woman following me and harassing me some more.

It’s now been almost a day since this happened and I am still feeling very rattled. My face still feels warm with shame. I still don’t feel that I did anything wrong. But perhaps the small amount of guilt I always feel when leaving my kids alone for even a few seconds has been ignited by this woman’s accusations. I have heard people say that parents can be the most judgmental of other parents, but I had never experienced the force of it until yesterday. I didn’t stop shaking for an hour. I wanted to cry and hold my kids and prove that I was a good parent to my children and to the world. I felt two inches tall and yet prepared to fight this stranger who dared judge me. Who dared to yell at me and call me names in front of my children. Who felt she had the right to make judgment on my character based on her observation of 3 minutes. My children were not crying in the car. Yes, the day was hot. But I took precautions. I would never leave my children for an hour while I got all my groceries. I assume this woman had read the same stories I have read about children who were left in hot cars for hours and died as a result. We all know those stories. I just don’t understand what she thought she would accomplish by attacking me. Or calling the police (as if they don’t have better things to do!). If she truly felt that I was wrong to leave my children I think that a better approach would be as a fellow parent, with kindness and gentleness. Wow. Two kids. You must be really busy. I’m sure you must feel overwhelmed at times but I’ve heard that it can be dangerous to leave kids alone in a hot vehicle on days like this. You might want to reconsider. She probably wouldn’t have changed my mind. But she wouldn’t have humiliated me. She wouldn’t have shaken my confidence and self-respect. She wouldn’t have caused me to doubt my ability to do the job to which I have devoted my life. And she certainly wouldn’t have caused me to feel paranoid every time a cruiser drives by or a beat up maroon car (which is what she was driving). I’m afraid to go back to that grocery store, even though the chance of me running into this person again is slim, I’d rather avoid it if at all possible. If your goal is to keep kids safe and happy then it would be in their best interest to help their parent be a better educated and more confident parent, not self-doubting, insecure and helpless.

Although it will take a long time for me to forget this encounter, if that’s even possible, I have once again been inspired to approach people with gentleness and respect. People will never listen when they are being insulted. They simply take a defensive position. It’s self-preservation. And if you insist on an aggressive and mean approach, you will end up standing outside, alone, in a parking lot on a 30 degree day, waiting for the cops to show up. I hope it took hours for them to get there, bitch.