Feb 27

I was looking at old pictures on Flickr and was just amazed at how this

has become this

in such a short time.  He’ll be nine months on Thursday.  Wow.  And still sleeping terribly.  Yes.  I remember Avery sleeping badly but I think by this age she had settled into a reasonably good sleeping pattern. KIeran seems much more resistant to that idea.  I am really running low on energy.  The whole experience is wearing me out.  It’s not so much that I get so little sleep, because I go to bed quite early.  But being woken up over and over makes it like having a newborn again.  And no one is meant to deal with a newborn for nine months straight!  But I continue to look ahead and hope for better nights in the future. 

As for the future, it could be very different from our life right now.  I won’t blog all about it right now but I think most of you know what is involved.  I am alternately very excited and totally stressed. 

And in closing, a joke, as told by Avery:  Why did the chicken cross the road?  Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot! (This being the answer to Why did the GUM cross the road?  She mixes them up.  But she still thinks it’s funny enough to tell over and over again.)

Feb 23

It’s been one of those days.  One of those Bad Mother Days.  One of those days when I question why the hell I ever had kids.  One of those days that I fear Child Protective Services would swoop in and remove my kids from me with great haste if they saw what kind of a mother I was today, or the thoughts going through my head.  One of those days when I question whether my kids will ever actually grow into fully functioning adults.  When I question my ability to raise them into said adults. 

Dinner was bombed by the temper tantrum that wouldn’t quit.  My husband is away tonight and for some inexplainable reason I chose to try and feed Avery food that she DOESN’T LIKE.  “I don’t like that Mommy. Yucky. It’s yucky and I don’t like it.  No Mommy. I don’t like it and I don’t want to eat it.” And. So. On.

For some reason I just didn’t want to lose this battle tonight.  Instead I chose to muster of the energy to fight for two straight hours.  It ended with dinner being spilled on the floor (not completely intentionally) and a spanking and crying and weeping and gnashing of teeth and a partridge in a pear tree.  Well not so much that last part.  But Oh My WORD was there not enough drama in my life? Clearly not. 

I didn’t even deal with her until the baby was put to bed. And then we talked about exactly why she was being punished.  I was angry and frustrated.  Why can’t the child just eat what is put in front of her?  WHYYYY???  When I told her I was very, very sad that she wouldn’t eat her dinner she throws her arms around me, saying “It’s ok Mommy!” 

I let this go on and on and I could have stopped it at any time. I could have prevented what I KNEW would turn into a nightmare by picking something more palatable for her on a night that I have no backup.  But no, I didn’t.  And I was cold and mean.  And I spanked her.  On her rear where she has bad rash that I had totally forgotten about.  That sound you hear?  That’s the sound of karma winding up to kick my ass.  Yes, she is three and she is going to have these tantrums. But today? I could have done better.  So her willingness to comfort me was heartbreaking in the most bittersweet way.

I bathed her and got her ready for bed. And then we just cuddled on the couch until she fell asleep in my arms.  Which was beautiful and peaceful. I so rarely get to hold her when she’s sleeping anymore.  And now I will have myself a good little cry and hope to do better tomorrow.  It’s so hard to know when to fight and when to let it go and which battles are going to turn your child into a drug-addict-deadbeat-loser and which are going to mean absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of things. And it’s also hard to know when you’re just taking out your stress on the child because you’re having a bad week and you aren’t grown up enough to know better. 

Maybe tomorrow I’ll know better.  Please don’t report me!

Feb 22

 A little post to make you laugh if you have or have ever had PMS. (If you know someone with PMS, it might make you laugh, too. Just keep you mouth shut around said female.)

Feb 21

So I was fiddling with layout here which I still kind of hate and I just can’t make look the way I want and I realized that I can’t have more than 10 links on the side there. So if I left out your blog, I apologize. I didn’t even get through the “c”s.  I am planning to make some changes to the location of my blog shortly and then I shall share all my linkety goodness.

Feb 21

It appears that my kids have both inherited their father’s toenails.  Is this a big deal, you might ask?  In the grand scheme of things, not really.  But in the small world that is my daily life it has become the proverbial “pain in the butt”. Or foot.  My husband had so many ingrown toenails in his childhood and adolescence that he eventually had his big toenails removed.

I know, I know, you didn’t come here for gross and disturbing fact about my husband. 

I have been dismayed to learn that my children have both inherited this propensity for ingrown toenails. Between the two of them there is almost always at least one, if not more, ingrown toenail.  It is hard to fix and it’s painful and I feel so bad for them.  But I think I’d feel worse if, some day, I am the only person in my family to still have my toenails. 

Along with his new top teeth Kieran has a renewed joy in biting while nursing.  I thought it hurt when he bit me before.  I was wrong.

When he’s not biting me nothing makes him happier than laughing at and talking to my nipple.  I already knew nipples were a strange and hilarious body part.  But the amusement derived by son makes me feel somehow like I am the butt of a joke.

Another funny little joke that the universe is playing on me.  Along with a head cold, I now have, for the second time in a month, plugged milk ducts.  In case you were wondering, it hurts like a bitch. My kids have colds, I have colds, my hubby is really busy studying for an upcoming test, no one is sleeping well or long enough…

Universe, I have just one thing to say to you: “UNCLE!”

Feb 18

The “child that never sleeps” has finally cut his top two teeth which is fantastic.  However he is, as his name suggests, still NOT SLEEPING.  Driving me a little bit crazy. And so, in the spirit of discontentment which is my life right now, I offer up some links about motherhood and how sometimes it is not fulfilling and how mommies are often not as cool as we want to be.

Feb 17

I found this link on a blog I regularly read and, as that author said…There is absolutely nothing I can say to prepare you for this.  WTF?

Feb 15

This morning Les MacPherson had a hilarious article in The Star Phoenix about merging and the apparent inability of drivers in Saskatoon to complete said driving manouver.  Here’s a bit of the article:

“…let’s review the definition. To merge means to combine, to join or to blend gradually.  It does not mean, as many Saskatoon drivers seem to think, to impede, to obstruct or to thwart.  Those are the opposite of merging.
    The road sign confirms the meaning. Where drivers are expected to merge there is often a big sign saying ‘Merge.’  What you won’t see is a sign saying ‘Impede,’  ‘Obstruct’ or ‘Thwart’.  This is no oversight. This is the result of careful planning by professional traffic engineers.  They must ask themselves, ‘Why do we bother?’
    Often, there’s a special merge lane.  Here is where the definition of merging becomes so important.  If you’re in the merge lane and, instead of combining, joining or blending, you’re impeding, obstructing and thwarting, you’re not with the program.
    We might as well not even have merge lanes in Saskatoon.  They’re often as not blocked by drivers who, instead of accelerating to merge with higher-speed traffic, have slowed to a standstill.  Wrong, wrong, wrong.  Slowing down is what we’re supposed to do at an amber light.  Speeding up is what we’re supposed to do in the merge lane.  Among Saskatoon drivers there seems to be some confusion between the two….We often see this guy, stopped dead at the end of the merge lane with his signal light on, peering backward over his shoulder for a gap in traffic sufficiently huge to safely accelerate from zero to 90 km/h.  Of course, such gaps are rarely to be found even in moderate traffic.  And so he waits and waits, while, stuck behind him in a long line of vehicles the drivers gnash their teeth and rend their garments. If you’re seeing this a lot in your rear-view mirror, you’re not with the program…”

YES. Yes. Yes. Yes. And, might I add:  Just because you are too lazy to merge onto the freeway and then take the exit off the freeway, rather than just driving along the shoulder to your exit, don’t expect other drivers to yield to you. Also? The left lane is called THE FAST LANE for a reason, jackass.  Fast indicates rapid movement.  Slow would be the opposite of this definition. If you aren’t able to drive fast then you may be misguided about the intended purpose of a highway.

Feb 14

…like TWELVE AND A HALF hours of uninterrupted sleep at night!!!  My son is a terrible napper but last night was awesome.  Happy Valentine’s Day to me. :)

Feb 13

 Ahhhh! There’s nothing like a refreshing two hour nap hour of lying in your crib and crying. Sleep is for those weak bastards who don’t have the stamina to cry for an hour!

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