In the spirit of spending too much on Christmas decorations, a few of my neighbours have put up those huge inflatables in their front yards.  I have nothing against this but I laugh every time I drive past them. One is supposed to be Santa riding a polar bear and another is supposed to be three snowmen riding a toboggan.  But it’s been so windy lately that the Santa looks like he’s riding a bucking bronco at the rodeo and the snowmen look like they’re in some kind of wrestling match or else doing some very naughty.  I doubt the manufacturers were thinking of a climate as windy as ours when they designed the flimsy anchor mechanisms for these festive creations.

In a moment of insanity I decided to brave the crowds at Walmart yesterday to try and get a new car seat for my son who outgrew his baby seat, oh, about three months ago.  Safety first, and all that!

While the actual shopping went ok, I was immediately annoyed by the many shoppers who cut me off in the aisles without any sign of remorse for their bad behaviour.  Because we all know that my shopping comfort is of the utmost importance. Whatever.

I wrote it off as temporary madness brought on by the consumption of too much Christmas baking.  The real issue was when I got to the checkout.  I had a Walmart employe as my own Christmas elf in tow, pushing the big box withe the car seat on a dolly.  I picked a line at random as they all seemed to promise an equally lengthy wait.  But the little elf instructed me to move into a different lane, saying “This one is open.”  This was despite the light that was turned off and a sign on the conveyor belt reading “This lane closed.”  But I figured the elf knew what she was talking about so I obeyed.  I put all my purchases on the counter and as the cashier finished with the person in front of me she looked up and glared at me frostily.  “This lane is closed,” she said condescendingly.  “That’s why there’s a sign there saying ‘This lane closed’.”

Ok, I admit it.  I was pissed off.  Normally I wouldn’t say or do anything except maybe in my head. But this time I couldn’t take it.  “There’s no need to be rude,” I said firmly, throwing my items back into my cart. “I’m just following the instructions of your employees.”

For once I actually stood up for myself. And would you believe it? The sky didn’t turn red or anything! I still changed lanes but at least I didn’t allow some cranky old woman to walk all over me. I wasn’t trying to be ignorant or push the rules. I was doing what my very own Christmas Walmart elf told me to do.  There’s an all purpose Christmas excuse for you: THE ELF TOLD ME TO DO IT.

Anyway, the cashier managed to spit out a half-assed apology and I left feeling satisfied.  But I was thinking today that I wish I was brave enough to stand up to people more often.  To call bullshit when I see it. 

The night before the hubby and I were out at the new Galaxy cinema downtown.  After the movie we were walking back to our car when a twenty-something year old man approached us asking where the nearest gas station was.  He rattled off a sad story of his three daughters, left in his car some three miles out of town where the vehicle had run out of gas.  They are on a “medical trip” he tells us.  We tell him the location of several of the nearest gas stations but it quickly becomes apparent that whatever he wants, he is really not trying to get to a gas station.  He switches approaches in his attempt to get some money from us.  First he rambles about the ignorance of people in this city, then the fact that the gas stations won’t give him a jerry can.  Then back to the medical trip story again. 

I wish I had the balls to say “Listen buddy, if you need money for something then be man enough to say it, for crying out loud!  Don’t tell me lies about being stranded out of town.  If someone had driven you into town from your car then they certainly wouldn’t have dropped you off in the heart of downtown.  You are clearly miles from the edge of the city and every entrance to this city has at least one gas station.  You certainly wouldn’t have walked all this way looking for a gas station because you would have passed about 25 gas stations on your way.  We told you where the nearest gas stations are and if you can’t afford the deposit to borrow a jerry can then you clearly can’t afford to pay for the gas you say you need.  People might be more willing to actually give you money if you tell them the truth. If you told us you were hungry we’d be very willing to buy you a meal. But from the incoherence of your story my first guess is that you want to get high. If that is the case, take a hike.” 

It sounds good in my head anyway. Maybe on the street it would get me, I don’t know, BEAT UP.  

And in other news…we finally entered the 21st century and got a cell phone!  Wow!  I feel all grown up.