After reading The God Who Drowns I checked out some of the comments that were made by Waitterant’s readers.  There were many people who responded by saying “Thank you. This is exactly how I feel sometimes.” or “I’m so glad there are others out there who feel the same way.”  His feelings really resonated with a lot of people.  But there were also many comments from “Christians” who had such loving comments as:

What a sad and hopeless post. I will pray to my omnipotent God that He will restore your faith before it is too late and you stand before Him and realize your folly.

There were many more posts spouting more Christian theology or reasons why the hurricane happened and reminding us that we cannot know God’s purpose in allowing disasters.  No matter how well intentioned, these posts came across as legalistic and insensitive.  The people who made these comments were not LISTENING to Waiterrant or the many others who shared his feelings.  Whether or not his theology i “correct” (and I hate to use that term because I think it is an infinitely hard thing to define and I don’t believe that correct theology is quite as important, in most cases, as we make it out to be), he has the right to share it and there is nothing sinful about expressing your feelings.  Why do Christians feel the need to correct people all the time?  What about just listening for once?  Why can’t we even admit to feeling the same way at times?  Doubt is not a sin, no matter how you read the Bible.  When people make rude comments like this I want to completely disassociate myself from that kind of “Christianity”.

I really like this singer called Nichole Nordeman. She is a Christian but not in the cheesy “My life is always super and happy because of Jesus” way.  What most stirs my heart in her music is the lyrics.  They are full
of poetry and they ask a lot of the hard questions.  A couple lines that have always struck me are these:

I admit that in my darkest hours I’ve asked what if,
What if we created some kind of man made faith like this,
Out of good intention or emotional invention,
and after life is through there will be no You.
Cause they want proof of all these miracles I claim,
Cause only fools believe that men can walk on waves.

I think that is a beautiful passage.  Why are we so often afraid of doubt?  If God is as big as we say He is, then can’t He withstand our doubt?  My struggle with belief will not cause Him to disappear in a puff of smoke.  I like that this singer wrestles with doubt and doesn’t necessarily come to a really concrete answer except that she has a desire to know God.  She is comfortable with a little bit of gray in her life.  I
want to strive to be more like this. 

Here is one other passage that expresses how I feel much of the time.

It’s well past midnight 
And I’m awake with questions that won’t
Wait for daylight
Separating fact from my imaginary fiction

On this shelf of my conviction
I need to find a place
Where You and I come face to face
Thomas needed
Proof that You had really risen
Undefeated
When he placed his fingers
Where the nails once broke Your skin
Did his faith finally begin?
I’ve lied if I’ve denied
The common ground I’ve shared with him

Nicodemus
Could not understand how You could
Truly free us
He struggled with the image
Of a grown man born again
We might have been good friends
Cuz sometimes I still question, too
How easily we come to You

But I, I really want to know You
I want to make each day
A different way that I can show You how
I really want to love You
Be patient with my doubt
I’m just tryin’ to figure out Your will
And I really want to know You still

May we cease to hide from our doubt.  We learn much about ourselves by walking down
that path and we may come out the other side with a better understanding of our
fellow human beings, and maybe even of God.