Jun 25

Amanda at Shamelessly Sassy posted her personal life rules not too long ago and I thought it was a great idea. Composing the list turned out to be an exercise in brevity as I am such a rule-person that I could compose an encyclopedia of my own life rules. Here are the ones that came to mind first:

1. There is almost no excuse for bad manners - except if someone is in immediate danger. (Not to say I’ve never behaved poorly, of course!)

2. Cross at the crosswalk, when the pedestrian light is illuminated. They’re there for a reason. If you choose not to do so, DO NOT amble across the street expecting traffic to stop for you, or worse, make rude gestures at a driver who honks at you (not someone did this to me recently - ahem.). You are the one disobeying traffic laws.

3. Coffe breaks with good friends and family are the best way to brighten a day.

4. Hugs make things better. If you are a hugger. Not everyone is. But if you are, they’re awesome.

5. Pick up your own garbage. Littering is a terrible habit. Added on to that, clear your own table at fast food restaurants. Yes, employees are paid to clean up in the dining area but it’s not their job to put your nasty half-eaten french fries in the garbage can.

6. Telling your loved ones that you are proud of them is one of the most important things you can do for them. Don’t miss opportunities to do so.

7. Learn to give compliments.

8. Learn to accept compliments. (Hint: You say “thank you”.)

9. Learn your family and close friends’ love languages and practice communicating your love to them in ways they will understand and appreciate.

10. DO NOT talk with your mouth full!!!

11. Some people will always hear what they want to hear or continue in patterns they are comfortable in, even destructive ones.  As frustrating as it is, resist the urge to try to change them. People only change when they are ready to do so.

12. Speaking clearly and  concisely is a good skill to learn.

13. Don’t give unsolicited advice.

14. Avoid relationships with people who are too needy.  Emotional neediness is a black hole that will never be filled. (Of course this is totally different from friends who are going through a particularly rough time or going through a bad time yourself. We all need people to help us at times. I’m talking about those who completely rely on other people to boost their self esteem or hold their hand through the simple ups and downs of daily life.)

15, Avoid one-way friendships (courtesy of Shamelessly Sassy).

16. Beating yourself up for past failures is a waste of time.

17. Hate is a strong word. Use it sparingly.

18. Laugh at yourself a lot. At others infrequently. With others, as much as possible.

19. When people are counting on you, don’t let them down.

20. Visit your deceased relatives at a graveyard at least once a year if possible. Bring flowers. Wash the grave marker. Remember.

21. There are two sides to every story. Try to see things from another perspective as often as possible. It’s a good exercise, even if you strongly disagree with someone.

22. Religious literacy is important, even if you hold no religious convictions. Educate yourself.

23. Respect for people is one of the most important qualities you need to get along with people in life. Learn it and practice it!

24. Rules are mostly good. The fact that a rule exists is not an intrinsic challenge to your way of life (ahem, the hubby). Yes, sometimes rules need to be broken and sometimes it is basically harmless to bend rules here and there, but breaking them just for fun or spite is pointless and sometimes harmful.

Yes. I am a total rule-worshipper. It’s obvious to me now. Slave to convention or tradition or authority or whatever you want to call it. Sue me.

Jun 22

Avery was writing up a birthday list for her grandparents the other day. Last item on the list:

There’s nothing like a nice bribe for you birthday. Nice. Wonder what she knows about her grandparents that she’s keeping secret?

Jun 18

The end of the school year is upon us and this year I’m going out on a limb and making a gift for Avery’s kindergarten teacher. I can’t remember where I got the idea for this project - likely somewhere in the depths of the internet and I’m just not willing to dig that hard. So I documented the process here in case there are other people out there who just don’t want to buy the same old gift certificate year after year.

So. Let’s begin:

1. The idea is to make a set of pens that look like flowers in a pot or vase.  You start with a standard BIC pen. Make sure you get the kind with the soft plastic casing and an end that can pop off. Some of these pens come with a rubber grip around the bottom and that can be helpful but is not necessary. Or you can use a random pen from your drawers that appears to have come from Las Vegas and spend many hours wondering how it got there as you have never been to Vegas. Hmmm…..

2. Take the pen apart and discard the cap.

3.  Pry off the cap from the end of the pen. Some are trickier than others. If you can’t do it with your fingers use something to try and pop it off. I used a philips screwdriver that fit through the tube to try and push it out from the inside.

4. If, like me, you are a weakling and still can’t get the damn thing off, use scissors and cut the tip off. It doesn’t matter if the end looks a bit jagged. This part will be covered up.

5. It is mildly disturbing that this picture looks like those pregnancy test photos that bloggers sometimes post.

6.  You’ll need a fake flower for each pen you decide to make. Theoretically any type could work, as long as the stem is small enough to fit into the pen tube. I think daisies are pretty cute.  This time I used some zinnias as well and they turned out well. Trim the stem of your fake flower to maybe 6-8 inches, depending on your preference. You don’t want it to be so long that the pen is too heavy or wobbly to write with. Put the pen back together and insert the flower stem into the open end of the tube. If you can wedge it in between the plastic-ink-holder-thingy and the tube so it sticks in there a little bit that is helpful.

7. Use the florist’s tape to wrap around the pen starting at the tip and continuing up and around the flower stem. Wrap the flower stem right up to the base of the flower so the stem colour will be consistent.

8. You end up with a flower that looks like this one below. Repeat the process to create as many flower-pens as you want.

9. Find an appropriate vase or flower pot to hold your flowers. I used this metal pitcher but I have done this using a basic terra cotta pot as well.

10. Fill your pot or vase with…something. Pebbles, dry beans or seeds, decorative stones or small marbles or anything with particles that are not too small (like sand) and not too big (like large stones or marbles that won’t hold the pens in place when they are stuck into the pot). I used decorative coffee beans bought at a craft store. They smell nice and they are a dark colour like dirt.

11. Now your flower-pens can be stuck into the “dirt”. You can tie a pretty bow around the pot or have your child paint it to personalize it.

12. They almost look real, don’t they?

Of course handmade gifts are a gamble. Some people will find this gift quirky and adorable. Others will find it weird and too crafty for their taste. But, for good or for ill, you can be sure that none of your child’s classmates will be giving the same gift! I think it’s a cute gift for teachers of young children because half the appeal is showing kids the secret and teachers always need pens!

Jun 12

We’re not doing too well out here. Not well at all. Those of us who are prairie-dwellers turned New Englanders are currently the equivalent of a fatal case of dishpan hands. We can’t take any more cool and rain and wet and rain and clouds and more and more clouds and rain or any combination of moisture-producing weather systems. We can’t go so long without the sun!  It’s inhumane! It’s barbaric! How do New Englanders live like this?

We have been asked how we deal with the frigid Saskatchewan winters. The answer is simple: the sun can trick you into believing anything is survivable. Even -50 windchill and snow drifts higher than your car.  On the other hand, continuous cloud cover with frequent rain makes even the most lovely locale feel unbearable and unwaveringly dreary.

What’s worse is that the five day forecast changes every single day. Every. Single. Day. the forecast predicts several days of rain/cloud/cool weather followed by Joyous! Sunshine! and Angels Singing! But EVERY DAY the forecast changes to include one more day of yuck. So we never actually reach the promised carrot on the end of the stick, pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, facking sunshine and heat!!!! I am ready to throw myself off the upstairs balcony into the ocean if I see one more computer generated raincloud.

Whoever came up with this diabolical weather forecast clearly has a mission to purge New England of all but the pure English race. Only those who are native English folks and their descendants could be expected to put up with this sadistic weather for weeks on end without beginning to feel violent or plotting a permanent move to a better climate. Even Saskatchewan has pleasant summers to make up for nasty winters. WHERE IS YOUR SUMMER NEW ENGLAND??? WHERE IS THE SUN???? WHERE???????

If anyone is looking for me, I’ll be here, drying my damp hair by the warmth of my computer and weeping into the keyboard.

Jun 11

Hubby is working from home in our upstairs bedroom. At some point around 4pm I go in there to say hello…

Hubby: *starts talking to me about something in a kind of loud voice*

Me: SSSSSSSSH!!!

Hubby: What?

Me: Because the kids will hear you talking and they’ll know you’re talking to me and THEY’LL COME LOOKING FOR ME! I’m HIDING!

Hubby: !!!!

Sure enough, ten seconds later the kids come running and I am leaning against the door, holding it shut while they call “DADDY! MOMMY! ARE YOU IN THERE?” and I laugh hysterically in that really-stressed-out-and-over-the-top-losing-my-mind kind of way.

Hubby eventually forces me to let the kids in. Dammit. At least he’s smart/kind enough to run interference for a few minutes while I regain my grip on my sanity.

Some days are just like that. I need a better hiding spot.

Jun 10

It’s getting on nearly a year since I bragged wrote about my son getting ready to potty-train. And, as most of you probably predicted, but were kind enough not to say, the universe punished my hesitance to embrace potty-training by giving me a child that only teased me with regular, but inconsistent, potty-use for months afterward.

His interest waned and because we believe in the lazy man’s child-led potty-training method, we occasionally put him in underwear when we were around the house, only to have him pee all over the place and not show the least discomfort or distress despite being soaked in urine.

So. Loud and clear, universe.

Forward to one week before the approaching third birthday. The previous weekends had included numerous attempts at regular potty use with limited success. And then the universe relented and the boy was suddenly interested AND motivated (the golden ticket, in my opinion). He had finally decided that diapers were annoying and gross. Voila! Potty trained!

Since then we’ve had minimal accidents and it’s mostly been smooth sailing (KNOCK ON WOOD). A win for half-assed parenting! Take that, universe!

We celebrated by eating cake.

Three and diaper free, baby!

**************************************************************

On that note, I’ve been thinking about something that was brought to my attention recently, which is the suggestion that parents share too much on Facebook about the mundane details of their (or their child’s) lives. I believe the concept extends to blogs and other forms of social media, too. You’ll have to read the article to get the full extent of the issue (original article here).

While I totally get that the routine events of child-rearing may not be fascinating to childless people, what I do not get is the aggressive and offensive response. It’s Facebook, for crying out loud, not the New York Times! Shouldn’t a person have the right to say what they want on their own Facebook profile (or blog)? People who don’t like it don’t have to read it. It’s easy to block a person on Facebook.

Yes, there is definitely such a thing as tact, and perhaps sometimes day upon day of cleaning up bodily fluids can desensitize a parent to what is appropriate to proclaim for all the world to see. But really? We’re going to get up in arms about poop?

Listen, childless people may not get this and I don’t blame them if it seems like a dumb thing to get excited about, but potty-training is extremely important. As is the first time your child smiles, or the first time they sit unassisted or the first time they eat real food. Parents get excited about developmental milestones because it’s evidence that we are successfully raising our children to become independent human beings, which is supposed to be the goal, isn’t it?

You may not like to think about it, but at one point someone had to change your diapers, too. Someone celebrated when you learned to use the toilet, and not just because they no longer had to deal with shitty diapers.

Potty-training is one of the last major hurdles on the road to a child’s physical independence. Yes, I know we still have to provide food and shelter and remind our kids not to pick their noses. We still have to see them safely through childhood and get them educated and keep them from turning into potheads. But using the toilet signals the end to a child’s reliance on adults for keeping his or her body clean and it shows that the child is ready to take responsibility for his or her  bodily functions. Is it crude or impolite to talk about this? I don’t think so. As much as it might make people squeamish or want to roll their eyes, every step along the road of development is worth celebrating and parents should have the right to discuss it on Facebook or their personal corner of the internet.

No one is telling people without children that they have to like it or find it captivating. But I hope that those without children can learn to appreciate that some things are part of the human life cycle and, like it or not, as fellow humans they are a part of that cycle. Just because you may not understand something, does not make it wrong. And just because something seems uninteresting to one person, does not mean it can’t be highly significant to another.

Unless we want a generation of adults wearing Depends or drinking from bottles, a victory on the potty is a victory for us all!

Jun 8

You know what I hear is ill-advised? Taking your husband along with you when you go to deposit cheques at the bank ATM. Because he might think you are stupid taking too long hitting the buttons on the ATM screen and hijack your transaction by pressing the buttons for you. In doing so, his hand might slip and accidentally withdraw $100 before you can say “Jackpot!” even though the whole point of the transaction was to INCREASE the balance in your account. 

Not that it happened to me. But if I were considering bringing the hubby along to the bank, I might think twice is all I’m sayin’.

May 31

Dear Diary,

So. Picking up where I left off yesterday several days ago, our second day in Montreal started with brunch. Because if nothing else, Canadians are staunch believers in brunch.

Actually, I have no idea if that is true. But it sounded good, right?

I don’t have any pictures from brunch because I was too busy attempting to decipher the French menu. Many of the places we ate at had English and French menus but this one did not. My limited French vocabulary was exhausted in, oh, ten seconds. Luckily we had a patient server and a very gracious couple of French-speaking friends who translated for us. The food was awesome. The company was even better.

Later that day we toured the Notre-Dame Basilica of Montreal which was amazing… and probably has the best fire insurance policy available in North America.

My kids were eager to set themselves on fire. I would have obliged, but there were a lot of people in the building. Too many witnesses.

See what I mean?

Nothing says “Holy is the Lord” like hordes of tourists snapping pictures and dropping loonies ($1 coins for my American readers) in boxes to light a candle. Still, it was truly lovely. And it gave us the opportunity to discuss ancient forms of execution with our offspring. What could be better?

I loved the stained glass windows. This one is kind of awesome - the baby Jesus looks like a ninja-baby giving Joseph the beats while Mary watches with pride.

I failed to mention we were visiting on Victoria Day Weekend. Outside the church there was a demonstration going on by the Canadian Armed Forces. In Canada we celebrate the late Queen Victoria’s birthday by lining up flocks of tourists and having the armed forces point guns at them.

In front of a school bus.

One dude was wielding a sword. He didn’t get the memo about it being “guns with bayonnets” day.

Here is the square outside the church where all this was taking place.

We wanted to see more of Old Montreal but we were all feeling tired (read: the hubby was ready to keep going but the kids were already totally exhausted and cranky and someone had to draw the line). So we ended up paying a lot of moneyfor a horse and carriage tour with a man who had the most wonderful French accent. Like the kind of dude you’d see getting kicked out of a bar at closing time after consuming 3 bottles of wine. I don’t know, that’s just the impression I got. But he toured us around and told us about some of the history of the area. I thought it was fun. The hubby tends to be a spoilsport when it comes to horses because of his really terrible mild allergies. But he sucked it up. The kids loved it (until Kieran fell asleep). And I have exactly no pictures because my camera battery died after taking eleventy thousand pictures inside the basilica.  But here we are looking freezing because we did not come prepared for the cold, wet weekend that we ended up getting.

I believe the evening was spent hanging out and playing games - or maybe watching the Grey’s Anatomy finale? I can’t remember because it was two weeks ago. And I am old. 

Our friends have the world’s largest bean bag chair and it is all kinds of awesome. And if you think that chair saw a lot of action while we were there, you would be totally right. It’s maybe the greatest thing ever.

J and R, I’ll admit, I was skeptical when we first saw it. But after having spent some time using it, I am sold. Every household should have one of these things!

Our final day in Montreal started with brunch. Again. (I told you, we take brunch very. seriously.) And once again, it was very good. Montreal is the Brunch Capital of the world (I’m totally not making that up).

Following brunch we found ourselves a playground because the kids needed to be allowed to run free and not be dragged to another place where their parents would spend two hours hissing ”Don’t touch that!”. Let’s all give three cheers for giant, child-catching spider webs!

The park was at the foot of Mont Royal (Mount Royal) and we proceeded to spend some time riding lions…

…and learning about the memorial for something something…

I actually couldn’t tell you who or what was being memorialized. I was too busy taking pictures of the statues which I kind of fell in love with. 

I am now completely infatuated with angel statues.

And on that heavenly note, our trip drew to a close, diary. Actually we left because there were two guys yelling at each other and we were starting to feel like things might get dangerous. Montreal ganstas or something. The rest was all driving home with tired children and what else is new, right?

I shall remember this trip forever, diary. And when I think of Montreal in the future I will sigh and say “Ah, Montreal was beautiful in the spring. We’ll always have brunch to remember you by!”.

As much as it irks me to end this  entry with a preposition, there is nothing left to say. 

Affectionately yours,
Shannon 

May 27

Dear Diary,

Last week the family took a trip north of the border for the first time since we came to the United States last year. The trip was about as good as can be expected with a five and two year old in the back seat, which is to say it was exhausting.

See? The kids were so annoying they even exhausted themselves.

On the way to Montreal (our destination) we stopped at the Ben & Jerry’s Factory in Waterbury, Vermont. I know people say that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Those people have obviously never been here:

We ate ice cream…

…toured the factory (and I use the term “tour” very loosely as they basically played a short video and then we walked into a room with big windows overlooking the factory floor and we could watch the machines chugging out the ice cream), and spent some time hanging the children in trees romping outside…

…and honouring the dearly departed.

We were thrilled to cross the border to our home and native land and to see that great maple leaf flying in the breeze. Also, Tim Hortons beckoned us from the side of the highway. Mmmmm…

Our arrival in Montreal was heralded by the hourly generation of fire (!!!) ON water (!!!!), which was seven kinds of awesome!

The second day we went to Montreal’s Biodome where our good friend T decided to feed our youngest child to the birds R.O.U.S. (Rodents Of Unusual Size) (R.O.U.S. not pictured here).

Not that I blame him. The kids were a bit annoying what with the “show me” and the “carry me” and the “feed me”.  I’ll be damned if having kids isn’t a bit trying at times. 

The biodome features four sections with varying climates from arctic to hot as the surface of the sun tropical and most popular with kids was this slide straight into the sea otter tank which amused the offspring for quite a while. I was amused by another parent who continued to exclaim “Look! It’s a BEAVER! A BEEEEEAVER!!!” to everyone around her when the animal was clearly NOT a beaver. Not everyone can be as smart as I am though. 

As I watched my daughter observing the marine life in the tank I couldn’t help but be struck by one thought: fish are boring. 

What isn’t boring, is watching adorable little duck feet paddling around in the water and watching ducks dive under water. Ducks are cool. Fish are dumb.

Giant penguins heads are also cool.

Slightly less cool is how I looked in these rocking 3D glasses at the IMAX theatre at the Montreal Science Centre, where we arrived too late to explore the centre but still early enough to see a sea creature IMAX film (are there any IMAX movies about something other than sea creatures? Because if there are, I’ve never seen one.) narrated by Jim Carrey. I’d go so far as to say there’s nothing funnier than Jim Carrey making cracks with sexual innuendo about cuddle fish.

Highlight of the day for me was eating awesome poutine at a great little restaurant with good friends. And speaking of good friends…here they are!

Well, diary. This blog post entry is getting long so I will try and finish it tomorrow as I know how excited you are to hear about the rest of our trip. 

Affectionately yours,
Shannon

May 24

Another bullet post because I am nothing if not repetitive concise:

  • The Aporkalypse (or Hamthrax as I hear some of my Canadian friends are calling it) has hit our school district. One child in our school district has a confirmed case of H1N1 and although everyone is putting on a calm and sensible demeanor, I have this feeling that there is PANIC lurking behind the facade.  The four phone calls we’ve received from the superintendent of our district seems to be evidence of the barely concealed alarm. Each one was nearly exactly the same: ”There is no reason to be concerned. We are following the directions of the state health board in regards to dealing with this tiny little problem that’s really not even a problem. Also, if your child has a fever they must be kept out of a school for seven days, regardless of whether they test positive or negative for Hamthrax. But really! We’re not panicking!  If more cases show up in our district - although we’re positive they won’t - but IF they did, we will follow state directives on whether or not our schools need to be closed.  Please do not worry! Everything is under control!!!! PS- If your child shows symptoms like fever, runny nose, coughing, purple spots, melting flesh, or barking like a dog, please see your family physician. Thank you.”
     
  • I am becoming a true Bostonian. You can tell because when I drive I now honk at the slightest hesitation at a green light or at people who cut me off or people who drives cars I don’t like. Pretty much anything. Call it cultural acclimation.
     
  • After almost three long years I no longer have to isolate my son from peanut products! I have two children without peanut allergies! Huzzah! We celebrated by eating a chocolate-chip-peanut-m&m cookie. Peanuts and peanut butter are found in all the most fattening delicious foods. However, my days of eating all of Kieran’s peanut-laden Halloween candy are finished. Sigh. All silver linings have a cloud.
     
  • Another reason I now feel like a Bostonian: tourists are driving me crazy! We have spent so much time in Boston, going all through the fall and winter. But now that tourist season is here I am so annoyed with all the tourists invading MY space. Wait, that’s not entirely true. I’m annoyed with tourists who dawdle and who are completely unaware of what’s going on around them. People who are walking along at a good pace and then just stop in the middle of the sidewalk, right in my path. I was raised to be aware of people around me and to step out of the way if I need to stop. So this rude behaviour is frustrating to me. 
     
  • I believe my washing machine has some kind of vendetta against my children’s clothes. We have now lost five shirts to the washer because they came out with black/brown streaks on them that I couldn’t get out. All signs (ok google) point to ball bearings wearing out which may or may not be covered under the warranty. It’s not technically our responsibility as our landlord owns our appliances. But I don’t want to be afraid to wash clothes! How to appease the washing machine gods???

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